A Thousand Words
by Kat097
Summary: Raven has gone. She left nearly a year ago, after accidentally killing someone. She told Beastboy to pretend she was dead. But now she has returned. Where has she been and what has she done? Beastboy is determined to find out. Complete
1. Prologue

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

**A Thousand Words**

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**Prologue**

It had been nearly a year. 

It seemed like a lot longer. 

Robin slipped some bread into the toaster and pushed down the button. Starfire and Beastboy were eating tofu. Cyborg had a bacon sandwich. None of them spoke. 

Robin sat down at the table, waiting for his toast. Still silence. It seemed to last forever. And then,

"Starfire, don't drink the mustard!"  Robin cried. Starfire looked up, the straw sticking out of the mustard pot.

"But it's so delicious!"

The silence shattered as they started to laugh.  She smiled innocently and drank a little bit more. Robin snatched it away and sighed.

"Honestly, Star. You're going to make yourself sick." Starfire looked sad. Beastboy chortled and took his plate to the sink. 

They sat down again and Robin decided to go for it and mention the unmentionable.

"It's been a year." They all looked at him and Starfire nodded.

"Yes. It has been exactly 365 days."

"Yeah… seems longer, doesn't it?" Cyborg said. Beastboy didn't speak. But watched them all. Starfire said,

"Should we… I mean… her room…"

Robin looked at the others and Cyborg nodded.

"We can't keep it forever. She's not coming back." Beastboy still didn't speak. Starfire touched his shoulder.

"Beastboy, we must not dwell on it."

"It's just… if we clear out her room… it means that she's really gone." 

"She is." Robin said. Beastboy looked away and then nodded.

"OK. But… we can't forget her."

"No. To be forgotten… that is the worst thing of all." Starfire said, uncharacteristically philosophical. Cyborg suggested,

"Why don't we each keep something? So we don't forget? And put the rest in the basement."

They nodded and Robin took the piece of toast from the toaster.

"Let's do it now."

The room was dark. It always had been. They stood in the doorway. It seemed like intruding. Starfire took the first step. The others followed tentatively. Starfire went to the dressing table and picked up a book of poetry by Edgar Allen Poe. 

"I shall keep this." Cyborg looked around and saw a small pile of CD's. He flicked through them and pulled one out.

"Who knew she liked Bif Naked?" He joked. Robin hesitated but went to the wall where and ornate sword hung.

"This… I'll keep this." He said quietly, running his hands over it. 

They all looked at Beastboy. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking awkward. After a few seconds he joined Starfire at the dressing table and picked up the mirror.

Before it would have slight flashes darting across its surface, like electricity. But now its silver surface was dull and coated with a thin layer of dust, like everything else in the room. 

Beastboy turned to the others.

"I'll keep this."

Several hours later the room was empty. Abandoned belongings stood in marked boxes, down in the basement. The four Teen Titans turned. First Starfire left, with Robin. Cyborg looked around the room, sighed and left. 

Beastboy went to the door and turned to look back at the room. It was clean, but bare. It was just a room. Not her room. 

He flicked the light switch off and held the mirror in one hand. With the other he took the handle to the door. Before he closed it he said,

"Goodbye Raven."

The door closed. 


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Beastboy lay on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. Robin and Starfire were in the training room and Cyborg was in his room. 

Beastboy sighed and thought back to that day.

The day Raven had left.

The day his life had changed.

_Raven stared in horror at the body. He was only a teenager. The same age as them. The other four Titans were gaping at her, with similar expressions of horror._

_Robin didn't need to check the boys pulse. He knew he was dead. No one could have survived Raven's powers, the way they had just erupted. _

_Raven shook uncontrollably. She stammered,_

_"He's dead."_

_"Raven-"_

_"I killed him." She whispered._

_Beastboy stepped forward and put his arms around her. _

_"Raven, it wasn't your fault."_

_"It is. My emotions… I let them free…" _

_"You couldn't help it."_

_"But I can!"_

_She pulled away from his loving embrace. _

_"I let them out." Robin spoke,_

_"Raven, calm down."_

_"I killed a person!" She shouted at him. A nearby post box blew up, throwing envelopes and parcels into the air. Beastboy seized her and kissed her forehead._

_"Raven, it's OK."_

_"It's not…"_

_"He killed someone." Cyborg pointed out. Raven pushed the green boy away and turned on Cyborg._

_"And that makes it alright? He killed someone, so that makes it alright to kill him?" _

_She turned away. _

_They returned to Titans Tower. Raven immediately locked herself in her room. The other Titans didn't speak for the rest of the evening._

_It was past __midnight__. Beastboy was woken from restless sleep by the sound of light footsteps passing his door. He recognised that walk. _

_On the roof he found Raven. Her hood was drawn over her face. _

_"Raven?" She froze and stayed with her back to him._

_"Go back to bed, Beastboy."_

_"You're leaving?"_

_She didn't speak, but he knew it was true._

_"Raven, we all mess up."_

_"Have YOU ever killed someone?"_

_"No… but-"_

_"But nothing. Beastboy, I'm leaving because I have to. I'm putting all of you in danger. Ever since we… I haven't been controlling my emotions since I fell in love with you." _

_"We'll work it out, Rae. Just stay with me. Please."_

_She finally turned to him and lowered her hood. Her eyes were filled with sorrow. He came towards her and held her tightly, desperate to keep her. _

_"Raven, please. I can't… I need you."_

_"I know, Beastboy."_

_"Stay with me. We can work this out! I'll try harder, and it'll be better, I promise…" His voice broke. Tears were leaking from his eyes. It nearly broke her heart. _

_"Beastboy…"_

_"Yes?" He said, holding her hands, and gazing into her eyes._

_"If you truly love me…"_

_"I do, I really do!" He promised her. She swallowed and looked back at him, resolve in her face, mixing with sorrow and pain._

_"If you truly love me… you'll pretend I'm dead."_

_"What?" He said, his heart skipping a beat. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, finding the despair in his face too much to bear._

_"Stay here. Carry on with life. Pretend I'm dead. Don't search for me. Just let me go."_

_"I can't do that, Raven. I love you. You're my everything."_

_"Please, Beastboy."_

_He held her hands even tighter and she shook her head._

_"Promise me you won't come looking for me."_

_"Will you come back?" He asked. She didn't answer. He knew what she was saying._

_"Please Raven…" He begged one last time. _

_She pulled away from him. _

_"Beastboy, it would take a thousand years for me to tell you how much I love you. But there aren't a thousand words that would make me stay."_

_He started after but suddenly found himself encased in black light. She turned away and floated into the air. He banged his fists on the light, but it didn't give. _

_Tears fell from her violet eyes as she flew away. She stopped, turned and looked back towards Beastboy. Unable to speak because of the lump in her throat, she mouthed one last word. _

_Goodbye. _

_And then she was gone. Eventually the black light disappeared and Beastboy fell to his knees. He howled his pain into the night._

_Cyborg, Robin and Starfire found him there the next morning, head in hands, still crying. _

Beastboy felt a familiar lump in his throat. He shook his head and stood up. Going to the training room, he found Robin and Starfire attacking dummies. Cyborg and Robin had taken a couple of Slade's lackeys and reprogrammed them into a harmless training programme. They were starting to look a bit battered by now. 

Slade was still out there somewhere. They hadn't seen in a few months now. Beastboy knew that this concerned Robin, but Starfire kept him occupied. Beastboy couldn't help grinning as Starfire blew up one of the robots and Robin smiled proudly. Cyborg came in and stretched.

"Well… anyone wanna go for pizza?" 

"Sure." Robin said and Starfire smiled brightly, 

"That is a very good idea." Cyborg turned to the green changeling.

"What about you, BB?"

"Sounds good. As long as it's not meat." He added slyly. Cyborg narrowed his eyes. Robin sensed an argument and leapt in.

"We can order you a small tofu pizza, Beastboy. OK?"

"Then what are we waiting for?"

"We would like a large meat feast pizza, a small tofu pizza, three cokes and large pot of mustard please!" Starfire told the waitress brightly. Robin cleared his throat and Starfire sighed.

"A small pot of mustard." Robin shook his head. The waitress looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh.

"Please may we have four cokes and no mustard?" Starfire said sulkily. The waitress nodded, and walked away. Robin smiled and kissed Starfire's cheek.

"Come on, Star."

"I am not talking to you." She said, looking away. They knew she was joking. Robin sighed and said,

"I'm sorry."

"Well… alright. I forgive you. Even you are Tribumder Snarglot."

Within fifteen minutes they were eating pizza and laughing. Starfire sipped her coke and said,

"Shall we go to Bowling Alley?"

"Um, Starfire. It's not Bowling Alley. It's just the bowling alley." Robin said. Starfire considered it and said,

"That sounds even better, let's go there instead!"

They hadn't had such a good day in a long time, Beastboy thought as Robin bowled. Cyborg glanced over at him.

"You OK, man?"

"Yeah… cleaning the room. It seems like closure, you know? I would just think to myself that if I knocked on the door she'd be there meditating, or reading. But I never dared open the door, because I knew she wouldn't be there." He said thoughtfully. 

He was surprised to find himself talking so openly about it. But it just seemed so easy to discuss her now. Cyborg nodded and slapped him on the shoulder.

"You've really grown up, you know that BB?"

"I have? Damn!" He joked and they laughed. 

When they returned to the Tower, they settled down to watch an action movie Cyborg had just bought. It was pretty good, Beastboy thought, as he tossed some popcorn into his mouth. He glanced over at the others. Cyborg was absorbed in the movie, and Robin seemed more interested in Starfire who had fallen asleep with her head in his lap. Her long red hair spilled over her face and he was absentmindedly stroking it away, smiling as he watched her dream.

Beastboy suddenly found the sight unbearable. He looked away and turned his attention back to the movie. But he had lost interest. He stood.

"I'm going to bed."

"OK, goodnight." Robin said. Cyborg nodded. 

As he climbed into bed, Beastboy picked up the mirror. He ran his fingers over the surface, leaving traces in the dust. He whispered,

"Raven?"

And almost instantly felt foolish. 

"She's gone." He reminded himself. "And nothing is going to change that." 

During those first few weeks after she had left he hadn't been able to bear anyone even speaking her name. After a while, he was horrified to discover he couldn't even remember exactly how she looked or how her voice sounded. It had felt like his heart was being chipped at. Growing smaller and smaller. 

But the pain faded, as all pain does. The weeks passed and he began to feel better. He cheered up, and played computer games. He defeated bad guys. He hung out with his friends. 

But he knew that he would always love her. It sounded ridiculously over-clichéd, but it was true. You couldn't love someone like that and forget about it. 

He had done what she had asked. He had pretended she was dead. Pretended that she had gone forever. 

Because she had. 


	3. Chapter 2

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****

**Chapter 2**

A month passed uneventfully. The odd callout to stop bank robbers, but nothing really exciting. 

Beastboy woke up and went to the kitchen. Starfire was the only one there.

"Robin and Cyborg went to buy food. But there is enough bread for toast, if you would like it."

"Sure, thanks Starfire." He stretched and sat down. A newspaper lay on the surface and he unfolded it.

"The world is boring." He said, turning the pages. Starfire nodded.

"It seems like the Teen Titans never have anything to do."

"I know what you mean. I'm almost at the point where I'm finding video games boring." He said. He looked up and saw Starfire's shock. He grinned.

"I said _almost_." 

Munching toast, he went for a shower. When he had dressed and gone into the living room, he found Robin and Cyborg had returned. They were talking and Beastboy joined them.

"What's up?"

"Slade. Saw one of his lackeys in town. Beat him up, couldn't get anything out of him though." Cyborg said. Robin was frowning.

"I think he's planning something big."

"When has he ever aimed small?" Beastboy pointed out. Robin chewed his lip. 

"We can't hunt for him. It could take us days before we find anything."

"We'll just have to wait for him to contact us." Starfire said. Robin nodded.

He hated letting Slade have the upper hand. But until Slade contacted them they couldn't track him. Robin sighed. Starfire hugged him.

"Do not be sad, Robin. Let's go into town and look at that new videogame store. That will surely cheer us up." 

"Yeah, look on the bright side, Boy Wonder. Let's go have some fun and prepare ourselves." Cyborg said. Robin grinned.

"OK, you've convinced me. I'm just…" he shook his head.

"What is it?"

"Well, we've never fought Slade without- I mean with just the four of us." 

"You can say her name, you know." Beastboy said, slurping soy milk. Robin went slightly red.

"We've never fought Slade without Raven." 

"We'll do OK." Beastboy said. Cyborg nodded.

"Yeah. We'll beat him. We always do, and we always will." 

The store was brilliant. The boys were in heaven and Starfire shared their excitement with excess enthusiasm. They tried out all of the games and Cyborg decided to buy the new Autoracer game. Beastboy was sorely tempted by a handheld console, but eventually decided against it. He could always come back another day for it. 

Starfire and Robin were chatting and Cyborg went to buy the game. Beastboy looked around the store. The ceiling was covered with mirrors, enabling him to see all over the store. He saw Cyborg on the other side, purchasing his new game. A couple of teenage boys were battling each other on a wrestling game in the far corner. 

And right on the other side, by the exit was a figure in a midnight blue cloak. 

Beastboy's breathe caught in his throat. The hood was pulled over the person's head, and wrapped tightly around them. It could be anyone.

But the head was looking at him. It was covered, but he could tell that it was facing his reflection on the ceiling. 

And as he took a step forward a hand appeared from beneath the cloak. An unusually pale-skinned hand. It only appeared from a second and then it was hidden again. 

And he knew. 

He took a chance and ran to the exit. Starfire and Robin turned to stare as Cyborg returned to them.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know!" Robin called back and they started after their friend.

Beastboy arrived at the exit and the figure was gone. He burst out onto the street, shocking several shoppers. He looked frantically from side to side. At the end of the street he saw a flash of blue. He darted after it, the other Titans following.

As he reached the corner, despair filled him. The street was crowded and the figure was nowhere to be seen.

The other caught up to him.

"BB, what is it?" Cyborg shouted. He continued to stare around.

"It was her…"

"What?"

"I saw her! She was there!" He shouted and turned to them. 

"Guys, she's back."

"Why did she not say hello?" Starfire wondered.

"I dunno. Maybe she's afraid. We've gotta find her!"

"Beastboy, are you sure?" Robin asked. Beastboy nodded fervently.

"It was her. I know it was. I didn't see her face, but it was definitely her. Please, Robin. We have to find her."

Robin nodded.

"We will, Beastboy. We will." 

Raven slipped down a side alley. She had not meant for Beastboy to see her. She breathed deeply. Looking around the corner, she saw the four Teen Titans were returning to the Tower. Leaning against the wall she looked down at the metal cuff on her wrist.

Soon. Soon she would go to them and hopefully they would accept her back. But not yet. It had been too long. She couldn't just waltz back into their lives.

She had seen that with Terra. Would they do the same thing again? Accept her back, completely trusting her?  Or would they turn her away? She wouldn't blame them.

She had just wanted to see Beastboy again. She didn't mean for him to see her. So desperate the urge had been, to see him.

He was taller than when she left. More muscular, but still thin. Other than that… it was as if she had never left. 

Raven wondered if she had changed at all. Did she look different from when she had left?  She felt different on the inside. 

But one of the things she feared most was that they would ask where she had been. And she knew they would ask it. What would she say? 

Nothing. It was too hard to talk about. She just wanted to forget about it. But would she be allowed to? 

Raven walked slowly to her shabby apartment. The wallpaper peeled from the walls, and damp patches of carpet were growing mould. She sat on the sofa and looked across to the cracked mirror. Her gaunt face stared back. Her skin was sallow and undernourished. Her eyes had dark circles beneath them and her hair was lank, and now reached her elbows. Her cloak was filthy and had holes in it. Her outfit was dirty too. 

Fear surged through her. Fear of being turned away, fear of losing her friends again. She didn't know if she would be able to do it again.

But you never knew unless you tried.

She would go back.

Soon. 


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

More time passed. It was another two weeks before Beastboy came into the Tower and said,

"Didn't find her. I took a picture and showed it to loads of people but no one had seen her."

They ate dinner silently. It as almost as if none of them dared to speak the words that were forming in each of their minds.

Beastboy pushed the half-eaten dinner away. Starfire asked,

"Would you like something else to eat?"

"Nah… I'm not hungry." He went upstairs. They knew he had gone to the roof. Ever since he had seen her on the roof, every evening he sat on the roof for at least an hour.

Cyborg and Robin played Autoracer for a while, as Starfire cleared the plates away. Cyborg looked up at the ceiling.

"Do you think one of us should go up there?"

"No. He needs to be alone." Robin said.

Beastboy paced the roof. He had searched all over town. Where could she be? Had she left after he had chased her?

He groaned and ran his hands through his hair.

"I'm such an idiot!" He shouted at himself. If only he hadn't chased after he. Perhaps she would have come to him. Had he scared her by running after her?

He sat down. He could hear music floating through Starfire's open window. She must have finished in the kitchen. He listened to the words.

_Wishing on a dream_

_That seems far off_

_Hoping that it will come today_

_Into the starlit night_

_Foolish dreamers turn their gaze_

_Wishing on a shooting star_

Beastboy gave a wry smile.

_But what if that dream is not to come_

_Will their dreams fade to nothing?_

_When the horizon darkness most_

_We all need to believe there is hope_

_Is an angel watching closely over me?_

_Can there be a guiding light I've yet to see?_

_I know my heart should guide me but_

_There's a hole within my soul_

Beastboy rested his head in his hands.

_What will fill this emptiness_

_Inside of me?_

_Am I to be satisfied_

_Without knowing?_

_I wish then for a chance to see_

_Now all I need_

_Desperately_

_Is my star to come…_

The music faded away. Beastboy smiled. How accurate that song was. He knew what he should do. He would wait for her. Not search desperately. Just to wait for her.

Raven fell to her feet. She had been meditating for hours. But she was too unsettled. All she could think about was the Titans.

Was it time to go home yet? It had been three weeks since she had seen Beastboy in the store. She didn't feel any different from then. She was still afraid.

Raven looked across the mirror.

"You're not going to change anything by staying here." She told herself.

The apartment block was NOT a nice place. The apartment above her had a couple constantly screaming and bickering and below her were some teenagers who played obnoxiously music 24/7.

She looked around the room. She had no belongings here. No reason to stay. Every reason to go.

Tonight. She would go tonight.

The four Titans were on the roof as the sun set. The weather had been good and they had spent the day playing ball games and were now playing a card game. Starfire looked over her hand in confusion and said,

"Robin, is this good?" Showing him her cards, his mouth dropped and threw his cards down. Cyborg glanced over and groaned.

"The only one of us who doesn't know how to play and she's winning!" Starfire looked delighted as he pushed a pile of coloured chips to her. Beastboy chortled.

Raven stood at the base of the tower. She could hear their voices from the roof. It suddenly seemed too hard. She turned away and walked over the rocks to the waters edge.

Beastboy jumped up as the wind caught one of the cards and lifted it into the air.

"I'll get it."

He caught it just before it cleared the edge of the tower. And by chance he glanced down.

Raven was standing on the water's edge.

Beastboy's face drained. The card fell from his hand and soared down. It landed just feet from Raven. She looked at it and then summoned it to her hand. Turning, she looked up and saw him.

For several moments they stood completely still.

Beastboy turned into a bird and flew down, changing back the moment he reached the ground. Raven hadn't moved. He stepped towards her, remaining several feet away.

"Hello Beastboy." She whispered, her eyes locked on him. He smiled.

"Hello Raven."

She smiled and looked down.

"Room for a prodigal Titan?"

"Always." He replied and took another step towards her and she found she couldn't hold herself back any more. Breaking into a run she flung herself at him. He caught her and swung her around several times, laughing for pure joy. She laughed too. For what seemed like an eternity they held each other, just laughing.

He held her at arms length.

"I can't believe you're here!"

"Neither can I. Don't you want to know where I was?" She asked, smiling slightly.

"Don't care. You're back." He said simply. And with that he kissed her.

On top of the tower, Cyborg, Starfire and Robin watched, smiling. Raven made a disc of black light and transported herself and Beastboy up to roof. Starfire hugged her friend tightly.

"Oh, Raven! You are back!"

"Yes. I'm back."

"Great to see you, Rae!" Cyborg said, enveloping her in a bear hug. As he put her down, Robin stepped forward.

"Glad you're back." He hugged, in a slightly nervous way, but she returned it warmly. Starfire jumped up and down with excitement.

"You are to stay with us?" She asked. Raven bit her lip.

"If you'll take me back."

"Of course we will!" Robin said incredulously. Raven still looked worried.

"But what happened with Terra-"

"You're not Terra." Beastboy said loudly. She turned to him.

He smiled.

"You're Raven. You're OUR Raven." She looked at them all and they nodded.

"We made a mistake with Terra. But you're not Terra. You're Raven." Robin said. She smiled.

"Thank you." She whispered.

There was a silence, where they all smiled at her. Then Cyborg's face fell.

"Does this mean we have to move all her stuff back upstairs? Cos it took me forever to get it down there!"


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

After a big meal Raven declared that she would sleep on the sofa that night, so as to spare Cyborg the agony of bringing the boxes up. The others went to bed and she curled up under the blankets.

The cold metal cuff on her wrist shone in the moonlight. She ran her fingers over it. This was the key. This was how she could now control her powers while still being able to show her emotions. This thin band of metal was her salvation.

Rolling over, she gazed out of the window. Her hair spread over the pillows and she decided that she should cut it again. The moon shone, casting dark shadows over the floor. She was exhausted, but sleep would not come.

A slight noise came from the door way. She sat bolt upright. It was Beastboy.

"Hey." He whispered. She smiled.

"Hi." He sat on the sofa next to her. They watched each other for a while. Beastboy reached out and touched her face.

"You've lost weight."

"Yes."

"Your hair's long."

"I'm going to cut it again."

"You look better with short hair." He agreed. She smiled. He did too, but questioningly.

"How do you do it?"

"What?"

"Control your emotions." She held up the cuff. He touched it.

"What is it?"

"Don't know exactly. But it controls them. Controls my emotions. I can express them, but they can't take my powers."

"Where did you get it?"

Raven looked away.

"In Europe."

"You went all the way to Europe?"

"Yes."

"What's it like?"

"It's nice. Parts of it, anyway."

"Cool." He didn't want to ask questions. He sensed that the subject was sensitive.

They sat in silence. Beastboy asked,

"That day in the store…?"

"Why did I run away?"

"Yeah." She considered the answer for a second.

"Because I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?" He asked, clasping her slender hand in his.

"Afraid that you wouldn't want me anymore. I told you to pretend I was dead. People don't come back from the dead."

He thought about her answer.

"But you did come back."

"I almost didn't. I was going to leave, when the card came down."

"Then I'm glad that the card did go down." Beastboy told her. She smiled.

An hour later they were lying side-by-side on the sofa. Beastboy watched her face. She smiled slightly.

"What is it?"

"I just want to keep watching you."

"Why?"

"Because I never want to forget this moment."

She closed her eyes and for e second Beastboy thought he had upset her. When her eyes opened they were filled with tears, but she was smiling too. He couldn't get enough of that smile. Her smile was pure beauty.

"I love you so much." She choked. He found his own eyes watering and he reached out for her, clasping her to him.

"I love you too. I pretended you were dead but I never believed it, not for a second." He said, kissing her forehead.

When the others came down for breakfast the pair was still in each other's arms.

"I'd forgotten I had this." Raven said, holding up the Bif Naked CD. Cyborg grinned.

"I kept it in perfect condition for you."

"Keep it." She told him. He frowned and she smiled.

"Keep it. A token of friendship." Cyborg grinned and hit her on the shoulder. She fell forward several steps.

They were moving her things back into her room. Raven straightened the covers on her bed and looked around. They were just about finished. Starfire finished arranging her books and floated over to her.

"Would you care for me to cut your hair now?" She asked. Raven nodded.  The guys watched in interest as Starfire carefully cut the hair to the length it had previously been. The dark locks of hair fell to floor. Raven watched them without an expression on her face. Beastboy picked a piece of hair up.

"I'll keep this." He said. Raven gave him a gentle smile and rolled up her sleeves. She was wearing a pair of baggy trousers and one of Beastboy's shirts, and it was slightly big for her. Her own outfit had been thrown out, being beyond all repair. Starfire had promised that they would go to 'The Mall of Shopping in order to purchase new clothing items'.

Starfire stepped back.

"I have finished!" Raven looked around and Beastboy handed her the mirror. She looked at her reflection and smiled.

"I finally look like me again."

"No you don't." Starfire said. Raven frowned.

"You are FAR too thin and horribly pale and are in need of a cheering up!" Starfire said matter-of-factly. They all laughed and Raven stood up.

"You're right, Star. I need some fun."

"Yeah, you do! I say we rent out a couple of movies, buy a whole load of snacks and pull a whole-nighter!" Cyborg said enthusiastically.

Starfire clapped her hands.

"Yes, that is a wonderful idea!" She proclaimed. Raven nodded.

"Why don't you guys go and pick some movies? I want to meditate for a while." Robin and Cyborg left. Beastboy hesitated and Raven smiled.

"Go. I'll be fine. Just make sure they're not all action movies, OK?"

"OK." Beastboy nodded and kissed her quickly before running after Robin and Cyborg. Raven turned away and stretched. Starfire hesitated and Raven asked,

"Do you want to meditate?"

"If it will not disturb you."

"It won't." Raven assured her.

She floated in a dark sky, stars studding the darkness. Raven chanted the words over and over. Azarath Metriom Zynthos.

She did not need to meditate thanks to the cuff, but she wanted to. It made her feel peaceful.

But there was something out there in the darkness. That's was new. Normally she was alone. But there was definitely something out there. Raven hesitated in her chanting.

"Who is there?" She called. But nothing answered. Raven had to get out. She didn't want to be in here with whatever it was.

"Raven?" Starfire's voice shattered the darkness. Raven's eyes shot open and she landed on her feet.

"Would you care for some herbal tea?"

Raven blinked several times, clearing her head.

"Yes. Please." Starfire left and Raven sat on the bed.

Who had been in her mind with her? She frowned. She'd have to find a way to sort it out. She couldn't have strangers in her mind. Too dangerous.  

"Raven! Our friends have returned!" Starfire called. Raven stood up and went to the door. She'd have to sort it out later. Right now she needed movies and an excess of candy.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Of course, Raven couldn't dwell on the mysterious presence for long. The ability to express her emotions was still quite new and she found watching movies far more enjoyable now that she wasn't going to blow something up. However, rather than watching the foreign martial arts film, she paid attention to each of the Teen Titans, refreshing her memories of them.

Cyborg was on the edge of his seat, yelling at the screen with embarrassing enthusiasm. Every now and then he would turn to grin at them all and shout, "Did you see that?!" before returning to the screen with a mouthful of popcorn.

Robin would start out watching the various martial art moves, searching for new fighting skills. But as Starfire's head would soon rest on his shoulder and with a slight blush appearing in the flickering blue light, his hand would find hers and she would take most of his concentration. Starfire was happy wherever she was, as long as her friends were there.

And Beastboy. Well… whenever she looked at him, it was normally to find him watching her. After a quick smile they would pay attention to the film before risking another glance.

It was strange. When they were alone everything seemed fine with their relationship. Or did they even have a relationship? Maybe it was just in Raven's mind. But the few kisses they had shared since her return… the others had seen them and knew how they felt. But both of them were still uncertain. It wasn't the sort of thing that you just decided to talk about. It was the kind of thing that happened. But was it going to happen?

Raven shook her head quickly, shaking her thoughts away. Reaching forward for a handful of popcorn she settled back on the seat next to Beastboy. He grinned and stole a piece of popcorn from her fist.

"That's mine!" She said in mock indignation. Beastboy shrugged.

"You can have it back if you really want it." She eyed his munching jaw.

"Why don't you hang on to it?" He smiled and they made eye contact…

"HEY, DID YOU SEE THAT?! WOW!" Cyborg yelled, nearly upsetting the popcorn bowl. Starfire clapped her hands.

"Wonderful!"

Raven broke the eye contact and turned back to the screen. The movie was over. Starfire said,

"We have another movie." They all looked at each other and Robin said,

"I'm for it if you guys are."

"Count me in! That last movie rocked!" Cyborg said. Beastboy and Raven both nodded. Starfire zoomed over to the kitchen to make more popcorn. Raven pulled her feet up onto the sofa, tucking her knees under her chin. Beastboy yawned. She smiled.

"Tired?"

"Yeah – but I can't wait to see this film. It's REALLY scary apparently!" Beastboy said excitedly. Raven bit her lip. Cyborg grinned and then smirked,

"Don't worry, Rae. If you get scared, I'm sure Beastboy will hold your hand." They both blushed. Cyborg snickered and Robin elbowed him.

The film was scary. No, scratch scary and replace with heart-stoppingly terrifying. Raven clutched Beastboy's arm and Starfire buried her face in Robin's arm. Cyborg was staring transfixed at the screen while Beastboy and Robin looked disgusted.

As the movie finished, Starfire squeaked,

"I think I shall make some hot chocolate." She flew off to the kitchen. Unfortunately she was still holding onto Robin and pulled him over the back of the sofa with her. Raven giggled nervously. She'd never giggled before. It was interesting.

Beastboy grinned at her.

"It's going to take a week for your nail imprints to come out." Raven looked down at his arm. Sure enough there were several dents in his skin where she had clutched him during the movie. She rubbed them.

"Sorry about that."

"No problem." Beastboy replied, still grinning. Cyborg leant over and tapped the metal cuff.

"Hey, Raven, what's with the fashion accessory?"

"It, um, it controls my powers. Well, it's more like a barrier between my powers and my emotions. So I can use both but not let them control each other."

"Cool! Bet it cost a fortune!" Cyborg said, examining it.  Robin came over and bent over it too.

"How could you afford something like that?"

"Well, it was more of a gift." Raven said awkwardly. Robin asked,

"From who?"

"Come on guys, enough with the third degree!" Beastboy stopped the flow of questions. Raven smiled at him gratefully. Once again he found himself just admiring that smile.

Cyborg yawned.

"Well I'm going to bed. Hope no one has nightmares!" He said, smirking at Raven. She glared at him. Cyborg was halfway out of the door when he paused and grinned evilly.

"Raven, if you get scared, don't worry." Raven raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure Beastboy will keep you company!"

A blast of black light sent him scurrying from the room, Starfire and Robin laughing and Beastboy and Raven looking EXTREMELY embarrassed.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The next day the Teen Titans went shopping. They separated and agreed to meet at the food court. The three boys went one way and Starfire dragged Raven into every clothes shop she could find.

It is important to point out now that, while Raven could now control her emotions, she was still very much the same person. Which Starfire found slightly disappointing. Because Raven downright refused to buy anything pink.

"No pink. Purple, yes. Blue, yes. Black, yes. I might even stretch to dark green. But not pink."

Starfire sighed. They had already started to make Raven another uniform. Raven selected several dark shirts and trousers. Starfire smiled.

"You have not got a dress, Raven! You must have a dress."

"I don't want a dress."

"You must have one! When you were gone, Robin's friend, Bruce Wayne threw a big party called a sphere-"

"A ball, Starfire. Not a sphere."

"Yes, a ball and we were required to dress in dresses or tuxedos and wear dead plants. And he said he would like to hold another sph- ball."

Raven sighed and shrugged.

"Fine. Whatever." Starfire squealed and floated several inches off the ground. Dragging Raven to the formal wear area of the store she babbled,

"I already have a dress, but we shall have much fun choosing you one also!"

"Starfire, I'm not really a shopping person. And I've been shopping for three hours. Let's just grab the first dress we see and meet the guys for pizza."

"No! You shall not deny the pleasure of dress-choosing!" Starfire said, stamping her foot, her eyes blazing green. Raven swallowed.

"OK – pick a dress."

Starfire walked down the racks and selected a dress. It was pink. One evil glare on Raven's behalf was enough to return it to the rack. After another half hour Raven was feeling irritable. Starfire sighed and said,

"Alright, just one more."

Raven shook her head in despair and turned away as Starfire looked for another dress. A shop assistant who had been watching in amusement approached and said,

"Miss? The manager told me to give you this one. Mostly because your friend is scaring away the other customers." Raven stared at the dress.

OK – maybe there was a dress that she liked.

It was black. A good start in her opinion. Straight cut, down to the floor with thin shoulder straps. A pair of white gloves and white shoes came with it. Raven looked at the assistant's hopeful face and then at Starfire who wasn't paying attention.

"We'll take it."

"What took you so long? We've been waiting for AGES!" Beastboy complained. Raven rolled her eyes.

"Starfire wanted to try on every item of clothing in the mall."

"We were very successful in our clothes shopping!"

"Great – let's eat." Cyborg complained.  

As usual, a large fight about which pizza to get took place.         Beastboy ended getting a small tofu pizza while the others ate meat feast. Starfire sneakily tried to order a pot of mustard but Robin caught her and cancelled the order.

As Raven sipped her diet coke, Robin said,

"OK, guys, we need to do something about Slade." Raven choked on the coke and Beastboy had to slap her on the back.

"Slade is still here?" She said, disbelievingly. Robin nodded.

"Yeah. We hoped to have defeated him a long time ago. But we didn't. We've fought a couple of times since you left." Raven looked away. Beastboy grinned at her.

"Hey, don't sweat it. We'll get him."

"Yes, we will!" Starfire agreed. Cyborg swallowed his pizza and said,

"Well, we can't move until he does. Let's just enjoy the peace while we can."

They returned to the tower that night in good spirits. Cyborg and Robin had bought a foosball table and a tournament took place. It came down to Cyborg and Beastboy. The others crowded around to watch, Robin providing a running commentary.

"You are going down, tin man!" Beastboy crowed. Cyborg retorted,

"Wanna bet, elf boy?"

"And Cyborg's got the ball! He kicks it towards the goal posts and, oh! Beastboy saves it!"

Raven stood slightly back and watched with only half her mind on the game. Starfire jumped up and down excitedly.

But the game was brought to an abrupt end by a flashing red light and a siren. Robin looked at his communicator.

"Slade!" He shouted.

They ran for the door. Raven followed them and they met outside the tower as Robin gave them instructions.

"He's got a couple of lackeys at the jewellery store on Davison Avenue. We'll head over that way and try to get information out of them."

The orange and black clad figures ran from the store as the Titans arrived at the scene. There were four of them, all masked. Starfire aimed a green bolt at one but was struck from the air by a flying disc. They launched into attack.

As the last robot fell, Robin looked around.

"Since when did Slade rob jewellery stores?"

"Robin!" Starfire called. She was pointing at the roof of a nearby building, where Slade was just walking away.

"I'll get him." Raven called and flew up. She hovered above the roof and landed. Slade was nowhere to be seen. She took a step forward.  The other Titans flew up, Cyborg and Robin carried by the other two.

"Where'd he go?" Cyborg said. Laughter rang over the roof. Slade's laughter. Looking through the darkness, they saw a figure dart behind a pile of boxes. Behind them another figure jumped out of sight. The Titans all prepared for an attack.

"Really, Titans. There's no need to be so hostile." Slade said. Robin stood still but said,

"There's five of us again, Slade. We'll beat you."

"Ah yes, Raven. How nice to see you again."

"Show yourself Slade."  Raven called. Slade laughed again.

"It's not time yet."

"No more waiting Slade." Robin spoke again. Slade said,

"Not yet. But feel free to be defeated by a couple of my servants."

From the shadows, two figures appeared. Their faces were emerged in shadow, but from the suits they were wearing, both were clearly female.

Raven froze. It couldn't be. Robin pointed towards the figures.

"Titans! GO!"

"No!" Raven screamed. But the two figures had leapt out of the shadow.

The Teen Titans stopped and stared. The two figures stanced themselves, ready to attack.

They both looked exactly like Raven.

Raven flew forward and seized them both in a case of black light. They both struggled and broke the light. Slade's voice called again.

"Seize them!"

Raven couldn't move, as three more identical copies of her emerged from the darkness. The last thing she knew was a box being thrown at her head, the world swirled into darkness.

"I think she's waking up…"

"Raven?"

Her eyes were heavy. Slowly, painfully, her eyes opened.

They were in a dark room. A single light sat in the centre of it. Chained to the surrounding walls were the other Titans. Raven pulled at the chains but for some reason even her powers couldn't break them.

Raven looked up at the Teen Titans. Starfire spoke first.

"What was that?"

"I… I…"

"You joined Slade?" Robin demanded. Raven shook her head violently.

"No! No, I haven't!"

"Because from here you like very Slade associated!" Cyborg shouted, straining on his chains. She watched them.

"I didn't join Slade. I never would!"

"Then explain why he has lackeys that look just like you!" Robin shouted. Raven bit her lip.

"I can't... I mean, let's escape and then-"

"No." Beastboy finally spoke. He stood, chained to the wall but not struggling.

Raven looked at him. His eyes were fixed on hers.

"Raven – tell us now."

She looked down.

"I'll tell you. But you're not going to like it."


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"After I left… for a month I stayed in some mountains, in South America. It was a good place for meditation. I was able to meditate for hours at a time without interruption. I started regain control of my powers. But I couldn't stay there. The village nearby… they feared me and my powers. They drove me out.

I told Beastboy that I went to Europe. I did. I travelled to different countries, searching for a place to live, where I could be accepted. There is no such place. Eventually I found an abandoned cabin. It was in Switzerland. Lots of mountains. Large deserted areas. It was perfect. 

            But I couldn't control my powers. No matter how much I meditated. I would have nightmares and find the bedroom in ruins. I couldn't sleep. I was scared I would hurt someone. The memory of that boy, lying dead on the floor haunted me.

There was a village nearby. Very old fashioned, no technology to speak of. I didn't bother them and they didn't bother me. But they must have heard the noises coming from the cabin. They presumed I was a witch. They gave me food and offerings, believing I could protect them. I tried not to pay attention to them. But they were curious.

One day I was meditating when there was a knock at the door. It was the village elder.  He took me to the village and asked me why I was there. I told him I needed to meditate to control my powers. He said they would continue to feed me and help me.

            For months we carried on like that. Food was brought every day. The villagers didn't bother me. But sometimes the children would climb the mountain and watch me meditate. It became a game. Seeing how close they could get. I didn't mind. They didn't bother me.

            One day I opened my eyes to find a girl sitting in front of me, trying to meditate. The other children gasped. She had won the game. She had gotten the closest. The girl was only about six years old. She didn't speak English, none of the children did. She was called Arietta. I told her my name was Raven. After that the children came up every day while I meditated. After I had meditated we would sit and try to learn each other's languages. I made connections with them.

            The adults were still nervous about approaching me. But they soon started to come up and politely make conversation, or bring food or clothing. Arietta would always be the first to arrive and the last to leave. She would pick flowers for me. She was the youngest child in the village. The other children were still slightly nervous, but not Arietta. She was… the closest thing I had to a friend there.

            I can't tell you I wasn't happy there. Because I was. Not was happy as I was at the Tower. But they accepted me. They took care of me. I was happy.

            But I missed you. I wanted to come back, I really did. But I couldn't I've been gone for 8 months already. How could I just show up on the doorstep and ask for forgiveness?

I couldn't. I just couldn't come back. Not after what I did. The villagers didn't know I had killed someone. They would never have allowed me to stay if I had let them know. And I wanted to stay. If I couldn't be a Teen Titan this was surely the next best thing. So I stayed…

For so long it seemed like nothing would ever change. But things do. They always do. Change is inevitable.

An old man came to the cabin. I didn't know if he lived in the village. But he said he could help me. I asked him how and he said he could make something to control my powers.

I was doubtful. Who wouldn't be? I had tried everything to control my powers and nothing worked apart from meditation. But he said he had worked on something that could help. A metal cuff. I didn't understand exactly how it worked but it did. He gave me some anaesthetic and attached the cuff. When I woke up I was like this. In control for the first time.

The old man said that in return for the cuff I must do something for him. He wanted me to steal the village treasure. It wasn't a rich village. But they possessed one item of value. A diamond. One of a kind. Absolutely unique.

I refused of course. The villagers had done so much for me. I would not betray them. The man asked me again and again but I refused every single time. Eventually he left, furious.

I asked Arietta if she knew of an old man like that and she said that he was not one of the villagers. But it seemed that I had won. I could control my powers completely. My emotions were mine again."

"But that wasn't the end of it, obviously. One night I woke up and something was wrong. The night air was not cool, as it usually was, and not dark. I left the cabin and looked down the mountain.

The village was ablaze.

The villagers were trying to escape but there were masked figures – Slade's workers – cutting them down. Women, the elderly, even children. All lying in the street, bleeding. I went down as quickly as I could. The old man was in the centre of the village. 

He had Arietta.

I tried… so hard. I destroyed as many of the robots as I could, but there were always more coming. I was soon surrounded.

The man came forward, still holding Arietta by the hair. There were many cloaked figures all around him. Many versions of me. The man looked at me. He said… because I had refused to help him, I would pay.

He killed her. Arietta. A child.  No, he didn't kill her. I did. One of me killed her. She was watching me the whole time. She was so afraid; she was crying and calling for her mother to come for her, for her father to save her.

They were already dead. And now so was she. I couldn't stop him. He wasn't an old man at all. It was Slade. He dropped Arietta and then they all left. Left me in the ruins of the village that had loved me and cared for me. I had destroyed them. I had destroyed Arietta.

I swore I would find Slade and kill him. But I was too afraid to go after him. So I came here. I had nowhere else to go so I came crawling back, in hope of finding something that hadn't been anywhere else.  I needed friendship, comfort, security.

It was wrong of me. I know that. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come back. But I wanted to forget everything. Even now I'm afraid. I want Slade to pay, but I can't make him. I don't know what he's doing here. All I know is that he took innocent lives and he deserves to pay.

And that's not all he took.

I realise now. I understand it. I thought I was seeing things in the village, when I saw the other versions of me.

Slade didn't help me control my emotions.

He stole them. This cuff doesn't control my emotions. It provides fake ones. I can laugh and cry, and hope and love. But they're not real. Slade took my emotions and is using them for his own needs. The other day, when I was mediating I felt him in my mind. I felt a stranger there and I know now that I was Slade.

He stole my emotions.  He stole me."

Raven swallowed the lump in her throat and sighed. A single tear was running down her cheek.  She looked up at the Teen Titans.  They stared back. Cyborg looked shocked. Starfire was crying silently. Robin was slumped against the wall.

And Beastboy was stood up perfectly straight. His eyes were fixed on her face. His face was expressionless. Raven let her head fall forward.

"Please say something." She begged in a whisper.

Robin spoke first.

"You were right."

She looked up again.

"We didn't like it."


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

            Raven leant back against the wall. Robin watched her and said,

"But that doesn't mean we're not going to help you." She looked up. He was smiling slightly. Starfire was smiling too. Cyborg on the other hand looked worried.

"Dudes, in case you've forgotten, Slade has got god knows how many Ravens on his side. That's kinda something to worry about."

Raven shook her head,

"No… some of them won't fight us. Or me. Timid and Happy won't fight for a start. The one we really need to look out for is anger."

"Anger?"

"Yeah… she doesn't respond well to anything, even me. But the others… I might be able to get them back." Raven said. Robin nodded.

"OK. Titans, let's get out of here."

"But how?" Starfire asked. Cyborg chuckled.

"Leave that to me."

Due to the chains power, his defence and attack systems were down. However he ejected his right arm. The chain, tied at the wrist, dangled free. The arm lurched into life. Cyborg twisted around, so the arm could reach the chain on his left arm. In a matter of seconds he was free. He undid the chain on his right arm and attached it.

Cyborg then proceeded to unchain the rest of the Titans. At last, he reached Raven. She looked up at him and he smiled.

"Cheer up, Rae. We'll get him." She nodded and he unchained her. She looked down at the metal cuff. Cyborg nodded and took her arm.

"Allow me to do the honours."

It took a few minutes. The cuff was completely smooth and Cyborg had to cut right through it. But eventually the cuff fell to the floor with a clatter, the two pieces rocking on their curved sides.

            Robin turned to Starfire and Cyborg.

            "Give us some light so we can see where we are exactly." They were in a circular room. There was one door. They crossed to it and Cyborg kicked it down.

On the other side was a large room. In it was Slade and Raven's emotions.

"What took you so long to get out? You're slacking, Titans." Slade said, tapping his wristwatch. The Teen Titans spread out, preparing for battle. Slade stood.

"Now really..."

"What are you doing with the diamonds?" Robin demanded. Slade stepped forward and the Emotions gathered around him.

"Well, it's all about Raven really. Or rather her emotions." Raven dropped to the floor.

"What do you mean?" She snarled. Slade laughed quietly.

"Your emotions hold great power. I control them and I control you. Power such as yours, Raven... it can't go to waste. The diamonds I have taken are sitting in a machine in this building. I have here a remote control. With it I can control any of these emotions. Of course, the emotions by themselves are not much use. But if I control them with this machine, I can control your powers because of the metal cuff."

He held up a small black remote. The Emotions bristled. Raven swallowed and Cyborg laughed.

"Nice try, Slade. But we already took the cuff off. Your little toy is useless."

"On the contrary, Cyborg. The cuff blocked her Emotions.        By removing it, which I knew you would, you have allowed me access straight to Raven's powers. I couldn't risk you removing it until the machine was ready."

Slade held the remote up again. Raven knew what was about to happen.

"No." She said loudly. Slade paused and his eyes fixed on her.

"What?"

"I won't let you. I won't let you use me."

"You think you can stop me, Raven? You know you can't."

Raven turned to the Titans.

"Run."

"Raven-"

"RUN!" She screamed. They didn't hesitate again but fled in different directions. There were many doors in the room and each Titan ran to a different one.

In the mean time Raven threw herself towards Slade, but Brave leapt up and forced her back. Raven stood still and said,

"Don't fight me. Join me." Timid whimpered at the suggestion and Lazy burped noisily. Raven held out a hand towards Timid.

"Timid… join me."

"Now, now… you're not playing fair." Slade said and pressed the remote.

It felt like an electric shock. The power jolted through her body and burst out of her. Black light flooded the room. Raven fell to her knees. It hurt so much. Her powers had never emerged like this, as if bursting out of her very skin.

"Stop it!" She heard Beastboy shout. She turned her head and through squinting eyes saw him running at her.

"No…" She whispered. He stopped and stared at her.

"Raven?"

"No. Leave." She said.

Slowly, painfully, she climbed to her feet. Her legs wobbled dangerously but she remained standing. Beastboy moved towards her but she stepped back.

Starfire, Robin and Cyborg waited a short way behind Beastboy. Raven closed her eyes and turned to Slade.

"Let them go."

"Why? I could just use your powers and Emotions to kill them all right now." He said, fingering the remote. Raven shook her head.

"Let them go. You can't keep my Emotions from me."

"Oh, can't I?" Slade said, amused. Raven looked at the Emotions.

"Don't fight me. You ARE me."

Happy scratched her head, the pink cloak swinging.

"We can't join you." She said, giggling. Raven frowned.

"Why not?"

"Because if we go back you won't be able to control us, silly!" Happy giggled. Raven looked at Slade.

"I'll make you a deal." She offered. Slade titled his head.

"Well?"

"You let them go," She gestured towards the Titans, "And I'll join you."

"No!" Beastboy yelled. The Titans moved forward. Raven held out a hand.

"Interesting but I'm not convinced." Slade said. Raven said,

"If I'm not near you, you can't control me. My Emotions aren't particularly strong by themselves. If I stay I can combine with them."

"Raven, you can't do this!" Cyborg shouted. Raven ignored him.

Slade stepped towards her.

"What about Anger?" Raven looked towards the red-cloaked figure, standing apart form the others. It was snarling at her. Raven took a deep breath.

"Anger too. But only if you let them go."

"It's a deal." Slade said. Raven turned to the Titans.

"Go."

"Raven, what are you doing? If you join Slade we'd have to-" Robin said but Raven cut him off.

"Kill me. I'm the enemy now. Next time we meet… I'm the enemy."

"Raven, please reconsider!" Starfire pleaded. Raven didn't move.

Beastboy stepped forward.

"Raven, don't do this." He whispered. She met his eyes and he shivered. They were so cold.

"You have to go."

"I'm not going to lose you again!" He shouted. She stepped towards him. He looked down at her and she raised her face to him. Gently her lips brushed his.

"Goodbye…" She murmured. He frowned.

"What?"

And then she pushed him back, using the black light. The other Titans were thrown back too. Through the doors, they were hurled until they landed on the street outside. But it didn't stop there. The light blasted them right across the town to the river. The Titans Tower stood against the lightening sky. Dawn had come.

Raven fell to her knees. Slade stood behind her. She saw the Emotions gathered behind him in the mirror that lined the wall ahead.

"You made the right choice." Slade told her. She stood up and turned away. He put a hand on her shoulder.

"We have many things to do, Raven. Taking control of the city for a start." She still didn't speak. He looked at her.

"It hurts now. But it will improve. You have chosen the right side. We will be victorious."

She still didn't speak. She knew that Robin would do the right thing when the time came. When it came to it, he would do what was necessary. Cyborg too. But Starfire and Beastboy… would they interfere?

Raven didn't think so. She would have to turn them against her. She didn't know how. But she would.

She would make them kill her.  


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"What do you mean we're not going after her?" Beastboy shouted furiously at Robin. Robin crossed his arms.

"Like I said. We can't force Raven to do anything. If she's chosen to join Slade…"

"But she only did that to save us! She didn't mean it."

"If she breaks the law, we'll go after her. We'll act depending on what she does then. If she fights us, we fight back."

"But Robin, this is what happened with Terra!" Beastboy said "Terra was our friend."

"And so was Raven. If she's truly joined Slade-"

"She hasn't! I don't believe you!" Beastboy shouted. Robin stood up, and glared at Beastboy.

"We didn't believe Terra had either and then she tried to kill us! Call me crazy, but I don't want to make the same mistake twice!"

"Raven is not Terra!" Came a female voice.

They both stopped. Starfire was standing a little way off in the living room of Titans Tower. Robin looked confused.

"Starfire…"

"Stop, Robin. We barely knew Terra and she betrayed us. It was understandable. But Raven is our friend and we have known her for a long time. You cannot accuse her this way!" Starfire said loudly. Robin swallowed.

"Starfire, we don't have a choice. Raven said it herself."

"Robin's right. She said she was the enemy. And if I've learnt anything from Raven, it's that she's always serious." Cyborg said, joining Robin. Starfire moved over to Beastboy.

"You would kill her?" She demanded, green eyes fixed on Robin. He didn't speak. Cyborg answered for him.

"If she tries to kill, we'll get her."

"Robin?" Starfire whispered. He looked up at her.

"If she tries to kill someone. We'll kill her."

Beastboy's face twisted with uncontrollable fury. But Starfire stepped forward.

"No, Robin. If she tries to kill someone… you'll kill her."

"What?"

"I will not be a member of a team that would kill a friend." Starfire said resolutely. Robin stared at her.

"Star, what are you talking about?"

"I quit, Robin. I quit the Teen Titans."

"And so do I." Beastboy said. Starfire took out her communicator and laid it on the table. Beastboy put his beside it. And then the pair of them left.

Robin looked at Cyborg.

"Why do I suddenly feel like the bad guy?"

Raven sat on a hard wooden chair. Her eyes were closed and she was mediating. A sniffle sounded nearby and she opened her eyes. Timid was standing nearby.

"Why are you crying?"

"The others don't like me anymore." Timid whispered. Raven stood up and put a hand on Timid's shoulder.

"It doesn't matter. We don't belong to the Teen Titans anymore."

"And it like, totally sucks!" Happy said, joining the conversation. The other Emotions were lined up against the wall.

Raven sighed.

"I had to join Slade."

"I don't like Slade." Timid whimpered. Raven raised an eyebrow. Lazy stretched and belched.

"Whatever."

"Come on! I wanna beat something up!" Brave said, punching the air. Raven looked at the Emotions.

"I need to meditate."

"I want Beastboy." Timid whispered. Happy punched her in the shoulder.

"Cheer up, dude! Yeah, it'd be cool if BB were here. But he's not."

Raven flinched. Beastboy… Happy cocked her head.

"Hey… why'd you do it anyway?"

"Do what?"

"Give up so easily. You could have beaten Slade."

"You know the answer."

"Yeah, but I wanna hear it from your mouth." Happy folded her arms. Raven sighed.

"I gave in because I was afraid."

"Of what?" Brave asked. 

"I was afraid that I might hurt one of you."

"See? She likes us." Happy said, patting Timid's shoulder. Timid shivered and wrapped her cloak around her.

"I didn't want to give up Beastboy. But my emotions… you are too important. All of you." Her eyes trailed across them and paused on Anger. They watched her. Timid sniffed.

"You'd rather keep us than Beastboy?"

"Yes."

"But you love him."

"Yes." She said and sat down, cross-legged. The Emotions exchanged looks. Happy and Timid sat down too. Brave joined them. One by one the Emotions sat down and made a large circle around Raven, all imitating her meditating pose. Only one remained apart from them. And that was Anger.

As Raven meditated, she suddenly felt at peace. Opening an eye briefly she sat the Emotions with their eyes closed, hovering around her like a protective barrier.

Maybe it had been selfish to choose her Emotions over Beastboy. Thinking more about herself then Beastboy. But these weren't something you could just throw away. They were part of her. If the Titans had fought Slade more than one Emotions would have gotten hurt. And she had spoken the truth. They were important to her and she didn't want to lose them. No matter what.

But were they worth losing her friends for. Raven took another look at the figures. Timid was watching her fearfully. As Raven caught her eye, the Emotion gave a weak smile and closed her eyes again. Raven smiled.

Yes. It had been worth it. She may have to fight her friends. But if they could beat Slade… well, they probably wouldn't want her back. But she had been alone for a long time, she could handle it.

She would see when the time came. If the Emotions would not fight Slade, the Titans would have to kill her. It was a no win situation. She could either fight with Slade, let him use the machine to hurt innocent people, keep her Emotions and lose her friends. Or she could rejoin her friends, risk Slade using that machine to hurt people, including the Titans and force her Emotions into battle with themselves and ending up losing them.

Because Anger had chosen Slade.

Starfire and Beastboy sat in the park. Neither one spoke. Starfire had been crying. Tear stains lined her cheeks. She sniffed.

"Beastboy?"

"Yeah?"

"We did the right thing, correct?"

"Yeah, we did. I just can't believe that Cyborg and Robin would act like that."

"I know. I always believed that Robin would do right thing. He is the most important person to me. But I cannot love someone who would act like that."

"You really love him?" Beastboy asked. Starfire nodded.

"Very much so."

"And you gave him up for Raven."

"Raven is my friend. We have only just got her back. We cannot abandon her. I am sure she did not mean to do what she did."

"Yeah. She told us to go because Slade is using that machine. If she does anything bad, it's because Slade is making her. I'm not going to lose her again. We lost Terra to Slade. We nearly lost Robin. But we're not going to lose Raven."

"What shall we do, Beastboy?" Starfire asked. Beastboy shrugged.

"I don't know. We could go back to that place and try to find her. Or if we could find the machine and destroy it-"

"Then Slade would be unable to manipulate Raven!" Starfire said delightedly. Beastboy nodded and stood up. Starfire held his arm.

"Beastboy?"

"Yes?"

"Do you really love Raven?"

"Of course." He said, looking at her as if she were mad.

"If it came to it… I'm not saying it will, but if it did… would you still love her if she did something bad, and Slade was not behind it? If she did something bad because she wanted to?"

"Of course. That's what love is. You don't give up on a person because of one bad decision." Beastboy said.

As they walked out of the park, Starfire considered his answer.

Raven opened her eyes and stepped to the ground. Slade had entered the room.

"No need to stop. Carry on." He said. She ground her teeth. Granting her permission to do something, like a dog and it's master…

"Why me?" She asked. He paused and surveyed her.

"I told you."

"Power isn't the only reason. The other's have it." He folded his arms and watched her closely. She stared back.

"I chose you because of your power. And I chose you because of your emotions. You keep them down. That was where I failed with Robin. His emotions are too available. He was a hero. He has a conscience that he takes notice of. You on the other hand…"

"I have a conscience!" Raven said defensively. Slade stepped closer and Raven felt the hair on the back of her neck prickle.

"But you can squash it. You can contain it. You have killed."

"That was an accident!"

"Yes, but you still did it. You killed. And you handled it. You didn't fall to pieces. On the contrary, you worked harder, to become better."

"Not to become a better killer. To be in control."

"But you did become a better killer. Yes, you can control your powers better, but that just means you can use them more efficiently."

Raven opened her mouth to protest, but closed it again in dismay. He was right. She had left a killer and returned a better killer. She hadn't become safer; she had become far more dangerous. Slade smiled and reached out. Raven didn't move as he pushed her hood back. Her hair fell down into her face and he smiled.

"Yes… you are better than Robin or Terra. You are not an apprentice. You are more than that."

"I don't-"

"Shh. Don't say anything. You can't say anything because you know I'm right. Do what you do best, Raven. Think about it, accept it and dismiss it."

He turned a walked away. Raven stayed stuck to the spot. She didn't see the satisfied look in his eye and she didn't realise that she had fallen into his trap.

Robin and Cyborg were loading up on weapons.

"OK – You find the machine and destroy it and I'll get to Raven." Robin confirmed their plan. Cyborg nodded and put a hand on his back.

"Hey man… you OK?"

"Yeah. Let's just get this other with."

"If Raven's willing to help us we'll take her back, right?"

"Of course. But if she fights us we fight back." Robin said resolutely.  Cyborg still looked uncertain. Robin looked at him.

"Cy… we have to do this. Just like we had to fight Terra. If Raven has joined Slade then she must be stopped. And so must he. Slade was right. She's got great power. If that power is working against us then we're in trouble."

"I know, Robin. But I can't help feeling…"

"I know. I do to. But we have to be strong about this. Starfire and Beastboy let their feelings get in the way. We have to do it, before innocent people get hurt." Robin told him.

"Yeah, you're right."

"Stopping Slade is the priority. That comes first." Robin said.

As they left the island, Robin watched the sun. It was late morning by now.

He hated this. Always having to be the responsible one. Always having to be the one who made the harsh decisions and having to live with the consequences. And because of this leadership role he had lost two of his best friends and the girl he loved.

Cyborg glanced across at the leader of the Teen Titans. He was frowning slightly. Cyborg knew that look. It was hard on Robin. But he was the leader. Making these choices came with the name. People didn't understand exactly how much pressure was on the Boy Wonder.

Because it came down to it he was only the first part. A boy. A teenager. A teenager with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had shared that burden with the five of them. But the five had suddenly whittled down to a meagre two. One had joined the enemy. Two had refused to fight.

Cyborg would stay. He and Robin had had their differences but he wasn't going to leave him now. Not when he needed him the most. He would help shoulder the weight, and make the choices.

Choices… that was what it was all about. Each of the Titans had a choice to make.

And make it they would.


	11. Chapter 10

**

* * *

Chapter 10**

"Starfire, you try to find the machine and I'll go for Raven." Beastboy said as they stood outside the back entrance to the building. Starfire nodded and smiled at Beastboy.

"Everything will be alright, Beastboy."

"I hope so Starfire. Because I'm not letting her go without a fight." He said grimly. She took his hand. For a moment they stood still, hands clasped like two frightened children in a world without hope. And then they broke apart and entered the building.

* * *

At the front of the building were Robin and Cyborg. Neither of them said a word. They merely nodded to each other and entered. Because both of them knew the dangers of what they were about to do. And whatever either of them said would feel like goodbye.

The mission had begun

* * *

"Raven."

She looked up. Slade stood over her. He reached out a hand.

"It's time." She ignored his hand and stood by herself. The Emotions huddled together, apart from Anger, who stood with Slade.

"What are we doing?" Raven asked. Slade looked at her.

"We take the city. Combine with your emotions and we will leave. No one will stop us."

"_They_ might." She said. He knew who the 'they' she was referring to were.

"If they do, kill them. Or I will make you."

Raven swallowed and stepped away from him. The Emotions watch her every move. Even Happy looked more serious than usual. Raven looked around at them all.

"You know what to do."

They spread into a circle. Raven looked towards Anger, who moved to take her place. Slade stood straight ahead of her. Raven looked at him. The smug look in his eye, the way he folded his arms. Hatred oozed through her veins and filled her every inch. She wanted nothing more than to hurt this man, hurt him hard, to feel him fall under her power and make him beg for mercy which she would not grant.

"Raven. Do it." She had been standing still for some time. She didn't move, but kept her eyes on him. He unfolded his arms and stepped towards her. In his hand was the remote.

"You know what will happen if you don't obey." He warned her.

Raven still didn't move. Slade held up the remote.

"One more chance, Raven."

"I can't." She whispered. He stepped closer.

"Why not?"

"You can't kill people."

Slade glared at her.

"You had your chance, Raven." He pointed the remote at her and put his finger on the button. She launched herself at him. He pushed her back. Raven's physical strength was not equal to his own, but she flew at him with such fury he was having trouble keeping her back. As she threw her hand at his face, he seized it and threw her over so she landed on her back.

She lay there, winded, gasping for breath. Slade stood over her, glaring.

"You'll pay for that."

She closed her eyes but nothing happened. Then she heard a shout as Slade stumbled back. Opening her eyes she saw Robin and Slade fighting furiously.

They had come to save her.

* * *

Starfire walked down the dark passage, a torch in her hand. The light fell upon a door. She reached for it and found it was unlocked. Pushing the door open she saw one of the most complicated pieces of machinery that she had ever seen. And standing in front of it was…

"Cyborg!"

The teen turned and his eye widened.

"Starfire! What are you doing here?"

"Beastboy and I have come to rescue Raven."

"So are me and Robin. He's up there right now. I'm trying to disable this thing."

Starfire looked down. Cyborg had forced off the panel at the front of machine. Thousands of wires ran through the machine. On top of the metal casing sat a ring of diamonds, light refracting through their centres.

"I can't figure out where the power source is coming from. It can't be from the diamonds themselves… maybe there's a battery inside, but that's too unreliable. I'll have to dig through to find and disable it." Cyborg said, digging through the wires. Starfire walked around the outside of the machine.

"Um, Cyborg?"

"There might be a nuclear core… that'd sustain it, but…"

"Cyborg?"

"Of course, he might have invented an entirely new kind of power. Who knows with that nutcase?"

"Cyborg!"

"What is it Starfire?"

"There is an off switch here."

"You're kidding me?" Cyborg said, standing up and joining her at the back of the machine. Starfire flipped the switch and the light turned off. Cyborg grinned sheepishly.

"Uh… good job, Starfire."

"Thank you. Let's take out the diamonds, just in case." She suggested. Cyborg nodded and picked the diamonds out of the metal casing. Slotting them into a storage compartment, he turned to her.

"I know we're not technically team-mates anymore, but I wanna help Raven. I think it'd work much better if we worked together."

"Yes, I believe that also. Where is Robin?"

"He went to find Slade and Raven."

"What?! But he is intent on hurting Raven!"

"No! He wants to help her too. But only if we can."

Starfire stared at him for a moment and then sped out of the room, Cyborg following at a run.

* * *

Beastboy entered the hall at the same time as Robin. He didn't see Robin though. His first thought was to get to Raven. She was lying on the floor, but stood up as Robin attacked Slade.

"Raven!" She turned in shock and saw him.

"Beastboy?"

He ran to her. For one brief moment, they held each other. But Slade kicked Robin away and picked up the remote.

Robin turned to look at Raven. She stared at him. They all looked towards Slade. He didn't waste another second but pressed the button.

Nothing happened. He pressed the button frantically, but the machine had already been deactivated. Robin smirked.

"Nice try Slade. But Cyborg already destroyed the machine."

"What? No, Starfire did." Beastboy said. Raven rolled her eyes.

"What does it matter? The point is it doesn't work!"

Slade stepped back. The Emotions were grouped together, where they had been watching the fight. Slade laughed cruelly.

"Don't you think I had a backup plan?"

The triumphant looks faded from their faces. Slade pointed at Raven.

"You are still mine."

She stepped forward and said,

"No. No more."

"Afraid so, Raven." Suddenly, Anger stood before her. Her eyes met the four red eyes of her most feared emotion.

Raven turned suddenly, facing Beastboy and Robin. Cyborg and Starfire had just burst through the door behind them. Raven said,

"Destroy me."

But before anything else could be said Anger stepped into her. It seemed as if they were melded together. Beastboy ran forward to catch her as she fell forward.

"Raven?"

But he was thrown back by a blast of black light. Raven reared up, growing taller. Her dark eyes were replaced by glowing red orbs. Cyborg picked the changeling up. The four Titans stared up at their team mate.

Slade laughed and the Emotions quaked.

The Teen Titans could only stare in horror at the misshapen beast their friend had become.

This was pure evil and it had taken Raven from them. The roughly slashed mouth twisted in a ferocious, horrifying smile and gurgled with demonic laughter. The Titans crowded closer together.

Raven was gone.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Beastboy stared up at the monster that only moments before had been Raven. The being continued to laugh at them. Slade laughed too.

"You see, Titans? I am successful"

"No!" Beastboy shouted. He ran forward.

"Raven? Can you hear me?"

But it didn't reply. The evil blasted him back. He tumbled head over heels, landing in front of the Titans. Starfire helped him up. Robin put down his bag of weapons from the tower and pulled out his pole and extended it, readying himself for a fight. Starfire seized the pole.

"Robin, no!"

"Starfire, let go!"

"That's Raven! You must not hurt her!"

Robin frowned and shouted,

"It's not Raven anymore!"

"It is! SHE is!" Starfire said, holding on to the pole.

Another blast of black light sent them spinning back. Beastboy picked himself up and stared up at her.

"Raven, I know you're in there!"

"NO! NO RAVEN… JUST ANGER!" The monster cried, red eyes flashing cruelly. Beastboy shook his head. He couldn't, wouldn't believe it.

"Beastboy, watch out!" Starfire screamed. He looked around and saw black light rushing at him. He jumped up and turned into a bird. Robin turned to Cyborg.

"Cy, get in there!" Then he turned to Beastboy.

"In my bag, I've got-" But another shot of black light broke him off.

The boy ran forward and blasted pale blue light at the monster. But the light was absorbed into the darkness covering the monster. Cyborg lifted his blaster again but green light knocked it away.

"Starfire, what're you doing?" He shouted at the Tamaranian. She prepared another ball of green energy.

"You must not hurt her." Starfire told him. Cyborg groaned.

"Star, she's going to kill us! She's not Raven anymore." Beastboy landed next to them. Starfire looked at him.

"What are we to do?"

"I don't know… I know she's in there!" He said helplessly. Robin put a hand on his shoulder.

"Beastboy-"

"YOU MUST DIE." The monster suddenly boomed and moved towards them. The Titans split up, diving in different directions to avoid the shot of darkness.

Starfire did not manage to avoid the black light entirely. Her lower body was enveloped in the darkness and she fell with a cry of pain. Her head hit the ground and she blacked out. Robin shouted angrily and threw himself at the monster while Cyborg sent columns of blue energy at it. Beastboy held back. He couldn't… it was Raven, HIS Raven…

"SUFFER!" It cried and Robin was slammed into a wall. He slumped to the floor, unconscious. Cyborg continued to attack but to no avail. He too was soon out of it.

The monster turned on Beastboy. He stared up at it and shouted,

"Listen to me! Raven, you've got to fight it! You did it before, you can do it now!"

"NO RAVEN. ANGER RULES ALL!"

"No! Raven, listen to me!" Black light pummelled his body and he fell to his knees, but did not lose consciousness. He pulled himself up and shouted,

"Raven, it's me. I'm here, I'll always be here. Fight it!"

"STOP!" Anger cried.

"I'll never stop! Raven…I promised! Remember? On the roof, when you left? I promised that I would try harder and I will! But YOU have to come back!"

Anger roared with fury and charged at Beastboy. He managed to dodge the blow and continued to shout.

"I didn't believe you were dead! Because you're not! I wouldn't do it, I couldn't do it. I pretended but I didn't believe it!"

"NO MORE TALKING!"

More light hit him but he managed to stay standing. He took a deep breath.

"Raven… a thousand words wouldn't have made you stay. But I'll say a thousand words to make you come back. A Thousand Words, Raven! Come back to me! Fight the darkness."

He fell to his knees and this time could not get back up to his feet. Dark specks blotted his vision but he could see the Teen Titans lying on the floor. Slade had vanished. The only other things moving in the room apart from the monster were the Emotions.

The Emotions… of course!

Beastboy called to them.

"Help her! Help Raven!"

They moved to join him. Timid clung to Happy's arm. Brave stood next to Beastboy. He shook his head to clear his vision. Blood trickled down from his head and he wiped it away. Anger glared down at them, menacingly.

"PAIN TO ALL."

The Emotions didn't move. Beastboy stood shakily.

"Help her!"

"We can't. There's nowhere to send Anger. We can't just unleash it." Said one of the Emotions. Beastboy. He stared around at them all. Even Lazy looked alert and scared.

Suddenly Brave spoke up.

"The mirror…"

"It's back at the Tower." Beastboy said. He ran a hand through his hair, and shouted as black energy bolted towards them. They scattered and regrouped at the other end of the room. Beastboy joined them and tripped over something. Looking down, he saw Robin's weapon bag.

"Didn't he say he had something?" Happy said. Beastboy nodded. Ducking down he seized the bag and emptied the contents onto the floor. Blades, guns, a spare pole.

And the mirror. Beastboy stared at it.

"If I wasn't so mad at him I would kiss that guy!" He said wonderingly. He looked at the Emotions.

"Let's go."

They spread out. Anger roared but the Emotions were spinning in a blinding circle. Beastboy watched, holding the mirror tightly.

Suddenly each of the emotions rushed forward, almost too fast to see, and joined together in the monster.  White light shone brightly, blinding the changeling. But he kept on watching.

As the light faded, he saw the Emotions again. Anger stood in the centre of the circle, standing over Raven, who lay at her feet. The Emotions looked as one towards him. He held up the mirror.

Anger turned on him.

"You can not stop me!" She raged at him. He raised an eyebrow.

"Stop me."

The mirrors surface changed. It had been dark and deserted before. Now it gleamed and a shot of light came from it and hit Anger like a bolt of lightening. Anger screamed, her red cloak rippling.

Beastboy struggled to hold the mirror. It was if a great force was ripping through him. Finally Anger was sucked through into the mirror. Beastboy fell to his knees for a third time. Throwing the mirror as far from him as possible, he hurried over to Raven. He could hear the other Titans stirring and groaning but he couldn't look at them. All that mattered right now was Raven.

The Emotions crowded around him. He looked up at them.

"Why won't she wake up? Please, help her." They didn't answer. Beastboy blinked back tears. Happy smiled.

"OK, we'll help. Don't go getting all weepy on us."

Beastboy hugged Raven to his chest. Her head lolled forward and he held it, her dark hair spilling over her face. The Emotions formed the circle again and began to spin as they had before. Beastboy didn't notice as the Teen Titans stared at him, through the circle of colours.

The Emotions all rushed as balls of light towards Raven. Her body shook and fell still as they entered her. But she did not wake up.

"Raven?" Beastboy whispered. There was no response. Starfire gasped and started to sob. Robin stood behind her and she turned to weep into his shoulder. Cyborg stood, staring down at Beastboy.

He didn't see any of it. A tear leaked down his cheek and fell like a miniature diamond onto Raven's pale skin.

"Raven? Please wake up. Please… wake up…" He choked over the lump in his throat. Nothing happened. Overcome with grief he lifted her to his face and kissed her forehead. The single tear became rivers of grief as again and again he spoke her name, crying freely. The other three could only watch as he rocked back and forward, still clinging to the girl in his arms.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"She's unstable at the moment. We'll have to keep her here. I'm afraid the outlook isn't hopeful." The Doctor told them.

Standing in the waiting room of the City Hospital, the four Teen Titans had been waiting for nearly twelve hours for news of Raven. The doctors had been trying to find out why she wouldn't wake up but no sign had been found. All that they knew was that her heart rate was dangerously slow, she was exhausted and that any hopes of recovery were flying out the window.

Robin nodded.

"Thank you Doctor."

"May we see her?" Starfire asked, her large green eyes bloodshot. The Doctor nodded.

"Just for ten minutes." Following him along a corridor, he opened a door and they went in. He closed the door after them.

Lying on a clean white bed, with clean white sheets lay Raven. A needle ran into her arm from a drip and an oxygen tube was wrapped around her head, feeding her oxygen. Starfire gasped. Cyborg swore and Robin turned away. Beastboy merely stared at her.

She looked so… weak. So vulnerable. So not Raven. He swallowed hard. A machine beeped and they all looked at it. Raven's heartbeat.

"She is so pale." Starfire whispered. Robin clasped the Tamaranian's hand. Cyborg rubbed his head.

"What is that stuff?" He said aloud, pointing at the drip. He didn't really care. He just felt he should say something. Robin looked at it.

"Fluids. Something to give her energy." He suggested.

Beastboy leant forward and touched her arm. She didn't move. There was no sign that she was even alive, apart from the beeping from the machine and the slight rise and fall of her chest. The door opened and a nurse entered. She paused and then said,

"Raven's friends?"

"Yes." Robin replied. She nodded.

"I'm afraid you can only stay for a few minutes." She went to the drip and fiddled with it, before going to the clipboard and noting down Raven's vital statistics.

Beastboy straightened up. Robin asked,

"We should go back to the Tower. Get some rest."

"You can come back first thing in the morning. Visiting hours start at 9:30, but come in whenever. We can make an exception for you." The nurse said smiling. Beastboy turned to her.

"Is it a coma?" Her face fell.

"I'm so sorry. We've never seen anything like this. Apart from her slow heartbeat, she seems in perfect health. No bodily damages, her brain seems fine… it's as if her body is just giving up on itself."

"Raven never gives up." Starfire protested. The nurse shrugged.

"I'm afraid I just don't know. We've got an expert flying in from China tonight. Maybe he can tell us something. We'll call you if anything happens." She said. And from the sound of it, the phone would be ringing at Titans Tower that night

* * *

Back at the Tower, they sat in the kitchen. For a fleeting moment Beastboy was reminded of the day they had cleared out Raven's bedroom.

Starfire made food, but hardly anyone ate. Beastboy didn't even touch his. Starfire sat next to him and patted his hand.

"Maybe the China expert can help her."

"Nothing can help her." Beastboy said sullenly. Starfire frowned.

"Don't say that."

"Well its true isn't it?" Beastboy exploded. Robin slapped his hand down on the surface.

"What's wrong with you?"

"She's going to die! You heard them! Any minute now that damn phone is going to ring and tell us that she's gone again!"

"Hey, man! Don't give up on her yet! She's still alive. And she's Raven. You know her better than anyone. She's not going to give up, so neither can we." Cyborg yelled. Beastboy turned and ran out of the room.

Starfire found him on the roof. He was sitting hunched up, staring at the beautiful sunset. She sat down next to him and said,

"Would you like to talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about." She smiled.

"You sound like her." He looked at her. She shrugged.

"So hidden away. Just like her. Well, like the old her, anyway. Before you fell in love."

He didn't say anything. She continued to smile. Eventually he said,

"What's that song?"

"Which one?"

"I heard it a while ago, coming from your window. Something about a shooting star."

She thought about.

"Oh, I know the one. It is called 'Wind's Nocturne'. Why?"

"I heard it when we were looking for her. It gave me hope."

"I know another song that might give you hope." She said. He gave a sideways look.

"Really?"

"Yes. It is called 'A Thousand Words'. Would you like to hear it?"

"Sure. What's about?" He said, curious. This couldn't possibly be coincidence. She smiled secretly.

"It's about a person leaving. And the singer wishes that person to come back so they can tell them something. But they can't, so they try to hide the pain. They send the words to the person, hoping it will reach them."

Beastboy thought about it.

"Sing it." He said. It wasn't a demand, or a question. Just a request. Starfire closed and softly sang a few lines.

_"__Oh a thousand words_

_Have never been spoken_

_They'll fly to you_

_They'll carry you home and back into my arms_

_Suspended on silver wings _

_And a thousand words_

_Call out through the ages_

_They'll cradle you_

_Turning all of the lonely years to only days_

_They'll hold you forever_

_Oh, a thousand words…"_

Beastboy stared at her. She opened her eyes and smiled. She stood up.

"She never gave up on us, Beastboy. Don't give up on her."

* * *

"There's been no change in Raven's condition." The doctor informed them at 8:30 the next morning. Robin asked,

"Is that good or bad?"

"At this stage, it's good. If she deteriorates any more we'll have do some more scans and try out some new drugs. However, this first night is always the worst. She's made it through that. We're not out of the danger zone though, nowhere near. Her chances are very low." The doctor told them seriously. Beastboy asked,

"What about the China guy?"

"Chi-Hey Wu. He's sleeping at the moment. He spent several hours studying her during the night, as soon as he got here. He'll give us his opinion in a few hours." The doctor said. A nurse handed him a cup of coffee and he sipped it gratefully. Rubbing his tired eyes, he assured them

"We have more doctors working on Raven than on any other patient. She's in good hands. You can go along and see her now."

She didn't look any different. They sat around her, talking quietly. Beastboy held her slender hand gently in his own. Her skin still looked pale. Cyborg went to buy them drinks. Beastboy stood up.

"I need to go to the men's. Watch her for me?"

"Of course."

Starfire and Robin didn't look at each other. Apart from the moment when he had comforted her back in the building where Slade had been hiding, they had barely spoken. He took a deep breath.

"Am I forgiven?" She looked up at him sharply. He watched her closely.

"I don't know, Robin. You wanted to hurt her."

"No! Starfire, I never wanted to hurt her. I just wanted to stop her from doing anything bad."

"You brought the mirror." She said. He nodded.

"I don't know why I did it. I just thought there might be way to help, using it. So I brought it along just in case." She continued to look unconvinced. Robin ran a hand through his jet-black hair.

"Starfire, my priority was stopping Slade. That's what we're supposed to do. And I failed. Do you know why?"

"No."

"Because I was too busy trying to stop Anger. Because I thought that if I got rid of Anger, it would help Raven."

Starfire thought about it. It was true. He had let Slade go to help Raven. She hadn't realized that before.

"Yes… I see that now." She said. Robin took her hand.

"Starfire… I have to make these decisions. I don't want to be horrible or heartless or anything like that. But someone has to do it, and that someone is me. I love you. But this is who I am. I can't stop being me. And I can't stop loving you."

She gazed at him. He waited nervously for her to speak. After some time she said,

"Robin…"

"Yes, Starfire?"

"Just kiss me."

So he did. With some relish.

"Dude, you are so lucky, she's not awake. She'd kill you for doing that in her room." Cyborg said, coming in and sitting down. They both blushed. Beastboy came in and took his place next to Raven's head, taking her hand again.

"Are you OK?" Cyborg asked. Beastboy nodded.

"Yeah… just gotta have a little faith, right?"


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Beastboy woke up. He was at the hospital. Sunlight streamed in through the window and fell onto Raven's face. She was sitting up, looking out of the window. Beastboy sat up straight.

"Raven, you're awake!"

She turned to look at him.

"Of course I am."

"But… I thought…" He was confused. She laughed.

"Oh, BB. You must have been dreaming."

"You never called me BB before." He grinned. She shrugged, still smiling.

"Maybe I decided to start."

"Fine with me."

Beastboy looked around. His eyes fell upon the heart monitor. He frowned.

"Hey, did you knock the monitor off?"

Raven looked down. The bandages were still attached around her wrists.

"No…"

"But it's… Raven, it's saying you're dead."

She looked up at him. Her violet eyes met his. And she began to disappear. She was disintegrating. Beastboy jumped up.

"Raven!" Her mouth moved, but no sound came out. Her skin fell away, revealing glistening muscles which began to fall apart. Her hand fell away from his. Within moments all that was left was a skeleton. Beastboy stepped back and fell over something. It was the body of Timid. Littering the floor were the Emotions, blood spilling over hideous wounds. Accusing eyes stared at him for every direction. Mouths were open in frozen screams. Hands were splayed in twisted forms, reaching for him…

"NOOOO!" Beastboy screamed.

* * *

"Beastboy wake up!" His eyes snapped open. Starfire was shaking him, concern filling her eyes. Cyborg and Robin were standing behind her. Beastboy blinked as cold sweat dripped down his face. He looked quickly down at the bed. Raven was still sleeping.

"I had… I had a nightmare."

"Got that much." Cyborg said with an ironic smile. Beastboy wiped his face and shook his head, trying to get rid of the image of Raven dying.

He couldn't have been asleep for more than a couple of hours. Rain spattered the windows, the sky a miserable grey colour. Starfire stroked his hand.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah… just a bit shaken…"

There was a knock at the door. The Doctor entered along with a Chinese man. This was clearly Chi-Hey Wu. He smiled at them and the Doctor introduced them.

"Mr Wu wants to tell us about his discoveries."

The man smiled broadly.

"Please, call me Chi-Hey. Now then… as you know, no source of Raven's illness has been discovered. We still don't have a name for it. At a stretch we could call it excessive exhaustion, but we have never seen anything like this in the field of Science. As you know, I examined Raven last night and have done some tests. These tests haven't shown me much, so I have to the conclusion that we should try Raven on a drug."

"What kind of drug?" Beastboy asked quietly. Chi-Hey looked at him.

"It is one that I recently developed. It's been tested on coma patients and most of them have woken up."

"Most?"

"I used it on ten patients, with their family's permission of course. 7 woke up, 3 didn't. One of the 7 patients died recently, but not as a result of the drug."

"Isn't there any other way?" Robin asked. Chi-Hey hesitated.

"If we leave her, her chances of waking up are very slim. The Doctor informs me that some standard medication has already been administered. But my drug has a very high success rate. If we use the drug, plus the standard issue medication I believe that Raven's chances of a full recovery increase greatly."

The Teen Titans looked at each other. The Doctor said,

"We haven't been able to find any records of Raven's family. We need permission to use the drug."

"We're her only family." Starfire said. The Doctor nodded.

"Still, I need to speak to an adult." They looked at each other and Robin said,

"Bruce Wayne. He's our official guardian."

"Very well. I'll call at once." The Doctor said. Robin and Starfire went with him. Cyborg excused himself, sensing that Beastboy wanted to talk to Chi-Hey

Chi-Hey sat down and looked at Beastboy. Beastboy found himself studying the man more closely. He wasn't particularly tall, but was strongly built. He had a round face, clean-shaven with dark eyes and slightly windswept hair. His English was good, but his Chinese accent was clear. And Beastboy was trusting Raven's life to him.

"Have you got any questions?" Chi-Hey asked. Beastboy nodded.

"Can you save her?"

"We can try. In this field of work, we can never be positive."

Beastboy didn't speak. He still held Raven's hand in his own. Chi-Hey noticed and looked up at him again.

"You love her?"

"More than anything. That's why I need to know. Can you save her?"

"I'll do my very best." Chi-Hey assured him. Beastboy nodded.

Starfire, Robin and Cyborg came in, with the Doctor. The Doctor said,

"Mr Wayne has given permission, but says that you four have to decide ultimately." The three others looked at Beastboy. Beastboy looked down at Raven. He brushed a lock of hair away from her face.

He looked up at the Doctor.

"Give her the drug."

* * *

Beastboy couldn't sleep that night. His fear of the nightmare, along with his concern for Raven, kept sleep at bay. Eventually he gave up and went to get some warm soy milk. However, when he turned on the light, he found Robin already there, eating a sandwich. He put it down, when he saw Beastboy though. Beastboy frowned.

"Why are you sitting in the dark?"

"It's easier to think in the dark." Robin replied. Beastboy noticed his guilty expression.

"Dude, it's OK."

"No, it's not. I did it again. Abandoned everything just to get at Slade."

"You did what you thought was best."

"Yeah, but I was wrong, wasn't I?"

"Well yeah… but you're forgiven. So what's up with you and Starfire?" Beastboy said, changing the subject. Robin grinned.

At about 5 in the morning the phone rang. Beastboy and Robin had fallen asleep, but Cyborg and Starfire rushed in and Cyborg seized the phone.

"Hello? Yeah. What's up? Is she OK?"

The Titans stood close, watching the half robot for information. His face didn't change from the worried expression. Eventually he said,

"OK… thanks. We'll come right away." He hung up the phone.

"What is it? Is it Raven? Is she OK?" Beastboy asked desperately.

Cyborg nodded.

"It's Raven. They gave her the drugs…"

"What happened?!" Beastboy shouted. Cyborg met his eyes, face still solemn.

"She's moving. They thinks she's gonna wake up soon."

Beastboy stared at him. Cyborg's face cracked into a smile. Starfire started to laugh and Robin hugged her. Beastboy could barely breathe. Cyborg hit him on the shoulder. The green teenager grinned and said,

"We'd better get to the hospital!"

* * *

Raven was still sleeping when they went in. Chi-Hey was making notes on a clipboard, and he smiled as they walked in. Starfire cocked her head to one side.

"She does not look different." She commented. Chi-Hey nodded.

"To you, she probably doesn't. But to the medical staff, it's a world of difference." They all jumped as Raven's head moved on the pillow, just slightly. Beastboy smiled. Chi-Hey put down the clipboard.

"We've estimated that she'll wake up in the next 24 hours or so. You've been given special permission to stay here as long as you want." He yawned and smiled, "I'm going to get some sleep. I've been up all night."

They said goodnight and sat down as he left. Robin said,

"I can't believe that she only came back a few days ago. It seems like forever."

"I know what you mean." Beastboy agreed. He was holding Raven's hand again. Cyborg looked across at Starfire and Robin, who were holding hands too and groaned.

"Geez, I hope there's a hot nurse around here somewhere. Everyone's pairing off, apart from me!" Starfire patted his shoulder and said,

"Do not be afraid, Cyborg. I'm sure you will find a person soon."

They played cards for a while and eventually Cyborg complained about his hunger. Starfire nodded.

"I would very much like some mustard."

"Starfire!" Robin reprimanded her. Starfire looked disappointed. Beastboy grinned.

"You guys go ahead. We've been here for hours. Get a pizza or something."

"Sure you don't want anything?" Robin asked. Beastboy shook his head.

"I'm good, thanks."

They left, talking loudly. Beastboy laughed and settled back. He glanced over at Raven.

"You know, Rae… I think I HAVE grown up. Depressing, isn't it? I'm all responsible and that kind of crap. Well, you'd probably disagree. Or would you? It's scary that I don't actually know what you'd think. You used to be more predictable. But then you'd go and do something I wasn't expecting… I guess that's why I'm so crazy about you."

He looked away and spoke to the ceiling, her hand still in his. He ran his fingers over the palm of her hand, touching each of the fingers tenderly, caressing the back of the hand, being careful to avoid the needle in it.

"Because I am crazy about you, you know? I'm also just plain crazy, but that's something else entirely. I know what I see in you, but what do you see in me? I mean, I pretty much loved you since I went into your mirror and saw the real you. But nothing like that has ever happened to make me understand _why_ you like me. I'll have to ask you when you wake up.

I can't believe I almost lost you. It hurts inside when I think about how close I came to losing you for a second time."

Beastboy swallowed. There was a lump in his throat. He felt tears pricking his eyes and squeezed them shut.

"God, Raven. I love you so much. Don't leave me again, OK? Just stay with me. Like in that song. 'A Thousand Words'. I don't know which thousand, but the song kind of makes sense for us. How does it go? Oh I remember. _A__ thousand words have never been spoken, they'll fly to you, they'll carry you home and back into my arms, suspended on silver wings_. What do you think? Does it make sense? I don't know Raven."

He looked down at her and closed his eyes again, squeezing her hand in his.

"You've got to come back, Raven. You've got to. I can't think without you. I can't be me without you. You ARE me. Please… just come back."

He opened his eyes. And his heart stopped. Because Raven was watching him, with dark eyes. He couldn't speak. She continued to watch him. Eventually he managed to stammer,

"Y-you came… You came back." She tightened her fingers around his hand.

"I never left."


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

He couldn't take his eyes off her. She smiled gently, reached up and wiped a tear away. He took her hand in both of his as it caressed his face and kissed it again and again, crying freely.

Raven put up her other arm and wrapped them both around his neck, hugging him. He returned the gesture, pressing her to him.

"I thought I lost you again." He sobbed, his voice breaking. Raven shook her head, soft hair pressing against his face.

"Never… I'll never leave you…"

After what felt like forever but could only have been a few minutes, Raven lay back against the pillows. Beastboy held on to her hands.

"I should call Chi-Hey." He murmured.

"Who?"

"A Chinese doctor. He invented a drug that was used to bring you back. Where…. Where were you exactly?"

Raven frowned.

"I- I don't know. It was strange though. Dark… and all the Emotions were there apart from Anger."

"She's still in the mirror." Beastboy said.

Raven insisted that he tell her what had happened. It took a while, but when it was done, Raven's face was hard with resolve. Beastboy asked,

"What do you want me to do with the mirror?"

"Nothing yet. I'll send it away. An alternate dimension. That way I'll still be able to express Anger, but it won't be able to consume me." She frowned and rubbed her head. Beastboy stood up.

"I'll get Chi-Hey."

But the Chinese man walked in at that moment. He looked over at the bed and smiled.

"It is good to meet you at last, Raven. How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"That's to be expected. We'll just take some numbers down and then we can let you get some sleep. I believe the other Titans will be back soon."

"Beastboy, why don't you go and find them?" Raven said. He was about to object but then saw that she wanted to talk to the doctor and left.

He met the others in the reception. They were holding a pizza box but the three of them froze when they saw him.

"Beastboy, what's wrong?" Robin asked. Beastboy smiled.

"She's awake. Chi-Hey's with her now." Starfire squealed and launched herself at Beastboy. He had the strange and not un-painful sensation of having his ribs crushed.

"We must see her immediately!" Starfire announced.

"We can see if Chi-Hey has finished." Beastboy agreed. They returned to the room to see Raven nodding as Chi-Hey told her about the drug. He turned as they entered.

"Don't be too long. She needs to sleep."

"She's been sleeping for ages!" Cyborg pointed out. Chi-hey laughed.

"Still, not too long."

Starfire hugged Raven.

"Oh, dearest friend Raven! I am overjoyed at your improvement in health!"

"Thanks Starfire."

"Hey Raven." Robin said, bending to give her a brief hug. Cyborg hugged her too, saying,

"Good to see you're better, Rae."

"Thanks everyone."

She smiled at them all and yawned. Beastboy grinned.

"I wonder when you can come home."

"Chi-Hey said not for at least a week. He wants to run tests and stuff like that." Raven replied. Starfire nodded.

"I will not allow you back to the Tower until you are completely well!" She told the dark-haired girl sternly. Raven nodded and yawned again.

"We'll let you get some sleep." Robin said, standing up. Raven nodded and looked at Beastboy.

"Go home."

"What? No, I want to stay here with you."

"And I'm telling you to go home. You need a shower."

Beastboy frowned and sniffed himself. Raven smiled and gave him a weak push.

"Go."

"We'll come back tomorrow, OK?"

"Fine. Just go home, eat pizza and tofu, watch movies, have a shower, play games… whatever. Just relax. I'm fine."

* * *

Beastboy ate hungrily. He hadn't felt like eating for a while but now his appetite came rushing back. Starfire watched in amazement as he ate plate after plate of tofu, washing it all down with sickening amounts of soda and soy milk. Cyborg and Robin were looking on their scanners and computers for any sign of Slade but he had disappeared.

"He'll be back." Cyborg said. Robin nodded grimly.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Robin, we can do nothing now. Let us all relax and enjoy life!" Starfire said enthusiastically. Beastboy nodded, speaking through a mouthful of tofu,

"Yeah, come on. Have some tofu."

"Uh, no thanks Beastboy. I'll just have a soda." Robin said, watching in disgusted fascination as a piece of Tofu fell from the corner of Beastboy's mouth. Cyborg started to fry some burgers.

* * *

Having not slept well, Beastboy went to bed straight after eating. It was only about midday, but he slept right through to the following morning. He awoke just after dawn. Sunshine flooded into his room. He watched the water moving through his window before stretching.

Only Starfire was up. Normally Raven was the first up, followed by either Beastboy or Starfire. The Tamaranian was making coffee and singing quietly along with the radio. Beastboy paused to listen. It was a new song, and he tried to place the name. _In the heat of Summer Sunshine, I'll kiss you and nobody needs to know…_

It was the exact sort of music he associated with Starfire. Cheerful, bouncy and something you could sing along to. He sat down and Starfire poured him some coffee.

"Hey, Starfire, who is this?" He said, nodding towards the radio.

"The Corrs, I believe. Do you like it?"

"I guess. Without at least three cups of coffee beforehand I can't like anything at this time in the morning!" He joked, slurping coffee. Starfire looked at her watch.

"I was planning on buying Raven some flowers before we go to the hospital, but I do not believe the others will be awake in time." She said sadly. Beastboy said,

"I'll go with you. We can meet the others at the hospital at 9:30."

"Wonderful idea! I shall write them a note!" Starfire said in delight. She scribbled a message on a notepad.

"But how can we make sure they find it?" Starfire asked. Beastboy thought about it, and grinned. He took the note and stuck it to the bacon that was in the refrigerator.

"There's no way that Cyborg's gonna miss it there." He told Starfire. She giggled and nodded.

* * *

It was nice, Beastboy thought lazily as he and Starfire strolled along a main street. They didn't really do much together anymore. Even when Raven had left and the Titans had gotten closer, they hadn't really done much. Starfire paused outside a flower shop.

"Shall we look in here?"

"Sure."

Starfire looked up all the different types of flowers. She turned to Beastboy.

"What do you think she would like?"

"I don't know… roses, maybe?" Starfire looked again.

"There are pink or red roses. Which ones?"

"I think it's more than our lives our worth to buy her pink ones. Better go for the red." Beastboy laughed.

While Starfire purchased the flowers, Beastboy strolled the shop. It wasn't big, so there wasn't a lot of room to stroll in but he managed quite well.

They still had an hour and a half before meeting the others, so they sat at a table outside a café drinking tea. Starfire held the cup in both hands and sipped it carefully. Beastboy found himself watching her. She smiled at him.

"You are staring."

"Yeah, I know. I was just thinking."

"Thinking what?"

"What a lucky guy Robin is." She flushed and put the tea down.

"I am lucky to have him. And all of you."

"I guess you never know what you've got until it's gone." Beastboy said thoughtfully. He caught Starfire's curious gaze.

"When she was gone I just kept thinking 'why?'. 'Why didn't I look after her?', 'why didn't I make sure these bad things didn't happen to her?'"

"Beastboy… I have learnt many things from my time on earth. And one of them is that you cannot always protect the ones you love. You can only pray that they will be safe and you can help them when they need it. But you can not merely shelter them from the bad things."

He smiled at her, through the bright sunlight.

"When did you get so philosophical?" She laughed and said,

"On my planet we have a saying."

"What is it?"

"Glornarf hytem lof pinbart." He raised an eyebrow and she translated, "Happiness is Sorrow in a different way."

"OK… explanation?"

"They are the same thing. You can't be truly happy without a little bit of sorrow. And sorrow could be happiness, but you have to look at it another way. For instance, when Raven was sleep. We were sorrowful because she might die, but we should have been happy because Anger was gone and Raven was alive."

"Oh, I get it." Beastboy said. He stretched and drained his teacup. Starfire finished hers too.

"You know, Beastboy, you are also lucky."

"How do you mean?"

"Raven… she truly loves you. And you love her too. You were the only one who could bring her back."

They walked down another street. Beastboy paused outside a jewellery shop. Starfire gasped in delight at the array of shining jewels. Beastboy said,

"What's the date today?" When she had answered he did some counting in his head.

"It's Raven's birthday next week."

"It is? She has never told me when her birthday is! How do you know?" Starfire said in surprise. Beastboy grinned impishly.

"Managed to get it out of her before she left. Anyway, I was thinking what to get her as a present and it'd be good to get a girl's opinion. What about that?"

He pointed at an object in the window. Starfire peered at it and then smiled at him.

"You have very good taste."

"You think I should get it?"

"Yes."

* * *

Robin and Cyborg were waiting in the entrance to the hospital. When they entered the hospital room, they found Raven in an argument with the nurse.

"I am NOT going to eat that." She told the nurse firmly. The nurse said patiently,

"Now, Raven, you have to eat something."

"I would like some herbal tea. This cannot even qualify as food." Raven said looking in disgust at the slop on the plate in front of her. The nurse put her hands on her hips, blonde hair swishing in its ponytail. Her pretty face was contorted into a frown.

"Raven, I cannot give you herbal tea. And unless you start eating we'll have to put you on a drip."

Beastboy peered at the tray.

"What is that?" He asked in awed curiosity. The nurse looked at him.

"Stew. It's full of nutrients and vitamins."

"It is not stew. Stew is not yellow and stew tastes good." Raven argued. The nurse sighed in exasperation.

"Raven, just eat it."

"Here let me try." Cyborg said, swallowing a spoonful of the slop. His face changed colour. He went very red, and then very pale. Raven said,

"Bathroom's through there." She pointed at a door. Cyborg bolted towards it. The nurse threw up her hands in despair.

"It's not that bad!"

"I would rather eat TOFU than this." Raven said. Beastboy frowned.

"What's wrong with tofu?"

"Raven, this is your last chance. It's the stew or the drip. Make your choice."

Raven gave her a look that could kill before taking a deep breath, pinching her nose and swallowing the gelatinous substance. She gagged and coughed but managed to keep the stew down. The nurse stood over her, until half of the plate was gone and then she said,

"OK, that's enough. You can stop now." Raven threw down the spoon, seized a glass of water and drained it. The nurse rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, it's not THAT bad…"

"Have YOU ever eaten it?" Raven asked shrewdly. The nurse sighed and picked up the tray.

"I'm not going to get into an argument with you, Raven. Are you alright?" She asked Cyborg kindly. He nodded ands grinned.

"I'm good."

"Great. I'll be back in an hour with your medication, Raven."

Cyborg watched her leave, and then turned to Raven.

"Hot nurse, Rae!"

"Whatever." Raven said in a bored tone. Starfire held up the roses.

"I bring you flowers! I believe it customary to bring a sick person dead plants."

"Thanks Starfire. But I'm not sick." Raven said, putting the flowers into a vase on the bedside table. Beastboy scoffed.

"Yeah, right! You are too sick!"

"I am not. I feel fine." Raven replied. Robin was sitting back in his chair, watching them in amusement.

"I love watching you guys. It's better than TV." He said. They gave him twin evil glares. Beastboy smiled.

"Seriously, how DO you feel?"

"I feel as well as can be expected. A little tired, but other than that I don't see why I can't leave."

"You can't leave, because of the results of the tests." Said Chi-Hey, coming through the door. They all looked at him.

"What do you mean?"

"While the drug woke Raven up, we believe it may be having some side effects."

"Like what?" Beastboy said in concern. Chi-Hey sat down and looked around at them.

"Only little this, but I don't want to let her go until we solve them. For instance she may be experiencing some bad headaches."

They all looked at her. She had a guilty expression on her face.

"Raven! You have to tell us these things." Robin told her crossly. She shrugged. Chi-Hey looked down at his paper.

"Other symptoms include swollen joints, nausea and trouble breathing."

"I don't have swollen joints, anyone would be nauseous eating the swill they feed us here and I am breathing just fine." Raven argued. Chi-Hey smiled.

"Well, you're staying for another six days. Then we'll see how you're progressing. And even when we DO let you go, you'll still have to take medication and come back for regular check-ups."

"I didn't know you hated hospitals so much, Raven." Beastboy said. Chi-Hey had left and they were sitting in Raven's room, talking quietly. Raven looked up at him sharply.

"Who wouldn't hate hospitals?"

"I don't mind them." Starfire said lightly. The others agreed with her. Raven looked uncomfortable.

"It's just… I know hospitals are to help people get better, but I just can't help thinking that most of the people that come in here are going to leave dead."

"That's the optimistic Raven we all know and love." Cyborg said jokingly. Raven smiled sadly, pulling her knees up under her chin. Robin cleared his throat.

"Raven… if you're feeling a bit better, I think we all need to talk."

"About Slade?"

"Yes." Raven sighed at this. She had known that it would come, but had been dreading it.

"Why didn't you just tell us?" Robin asked. She shrugged, not meeting anyone's eye.

"Would you have told? I vanish for over a year and come back to tell you that I took help from Slade. I doubt that you would have wanted to hear something like that."

"And you were right. But I wish you would have told us anyway." Robin said. Beastboy nodded and said,

"Yeah… we could have helped you."

"How? Anyway it doesn't make a difference now. The cuff's gone. I'll just have to keep meditating like I used to."

"Guys, can I talk to Raven for a moment?" Beastboy asked.

The others left and he looked across at her. She met his eyes. He said,

"Raven, there's something I have to know."

"What is it?" She asked. He kept his eyes on her as he said,

"I understand why you didn't tell the others about it all. But why didn't you tell me?"

"Beastboy… I was scared."

"Of me?"

"Of everything. I didn't know if I could… If I could-"

"Trust us?" Beastboy said, disbelievingly. Raven looked away.

"You didn't think you could trust us? Raven, we're supposed to be your friends!"

"You don't understand! You don't understand anything!"

"Because you won't tell me! Why can't you trust us? God, Raven!" He stood up and walked around the room, angry.

Raven sat up straight, glaring at him.

"What, so all this is _my_ fault? Sorry if I don't share every single part of my life with you! I KILLED someone, Beastboy! Maybe I overreacted, but wouldn't anyone act like that? Yes, I took help from Slade, but only because I was desperate to come back and see you! If I'd known it was going to be like this I wouldn't have bothered!"

They both froze as she said it. Her eyes widened. Beastboy turned away and walked out of the room. Cyborg, Starfire and Robin were waiting outside. Cyborg frowned.

"What's up, BB?"

"Get out of my way!" Beastboy snarled, striding past. They stared after him.

In her room, Raven stared at the opposite wall. The Titans came in, but she rolled over and lay on her side, eyes squeezed shut.


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Robin, Starfire and Cyborg couldn't get a word out of either of them. When they returned to the hospital the next day, Beastboy did not accompany them despite the pleas of the others. In the end they left him behind.

Beastboy sat in his room, throwing a rubber ball at the wall and catching it again. He didn't want to think about what they had said. But her words just kept running through his brain.

The ball hit his head. He threw it away in fury. He needed to talk to someone. Someone who knew what the hell they were going on about and could give a teenage superhero some advice. And there was only one person he could think of who matched the necessary requirements.

He was going to pay a visit to Wayne Enterprises.

* * *

"Hello, may I help you?" Said the perky receptionist outside Bruce Wayne's office. Beastboy couldn't help it. He put on a charming grin and leant casually against counter.

"Yeah, I need to see Bruce. Kinda personal."

"Mr Wayne is in a meeting right now. Have you got an appointment?"

"No, but it's kind of urgent."

"I'll have to phone through and ask." She said with a dazzling smile. She spoke briefly into the telephone. Beastboy gazed around the building. It was impressive. Lots of metal, giving it a rather futuristic look.

"Mr Wayne will see you now." The receptionist said, with another smile. Beastboy winked at her and walked through the doors.

They opened into a large office. Beastboy felt slightly dwarfed. At the far end of the room there was a man sitting at a desk. He looked up.

"Beastboy! Come in, come in."

Beastboy sat down opposite the man, who was scribbling on a piece of paper.

"Be with you in a minute. No peace for the wicked, eh?" Beastboy took this opportunity to examine the hero in detail. He was largely built, but it was all muscle. His groomed hair was very dark, but the odd silver hair was starting to poke through. His strong face was clean-shaven.

"There. All done." Said Bruce, tossing the piece of paper into a tray on his desk. He lent on the desk.

"Now, what can I do for you? How is Raven, by the way?"

"She's… she's getting better, thanks."

"But that's not what you wanted to talk about." Bruce said, twining his fingers into an arch. Beastboy hesitated.

He told him everything.

"And then she said if she'd known what it was going to be like, she wouldn't have bothered coming back. So I just walked out."

"I see. Quite a pickle, isn't it? Well, let's see…" He stood up and walked to the window, hands clasped behind his back.

Beastboy picked up a crystal paperweight form his desk and started to fiddle with it.

"How old are you, Beastboy?"

"Seventeen, sir."

"None of that 'sir' business. It's Bruce. Seventeen, eh? So that would make Raven seventeen next Thursday?"

"Yes."

"Hmm… well, here's my advice to you, Beastboy. Don't go back to the hospital."

"What?!"

"Hold on, listen to what I'm going to say. Get Cyborg to pick Raven up when she's being let out. Have him take her to my house."

"Why?" Beastboy asked, thoroughly confused. Bruce sat down and smiled at him.

"We're going to give her a birthday party."

"Um… I don't know. She's not really a party person."

"You don't think so?"

Beastboy thought about it. Maybe she would like one. And it would be a good way to say I'm sorry.

"Well, I guess so. But can I ask you to do something for me? I mean, I don't know if you can, but."

"Absolutely."

* * *

Beastboy left the office in a very good mood. He strolled back to the Tower whistling. Bruce was going to organise it all. All Beastboy had to do was keep up the pretence that he was still mad at Raven and make sure that Cyborg picked her up on Thursday.

He was playing on the games console when Starfire, Robin and Cyborg came in from visiting Raven. Robin sat down and turned off the console.

"Hey! I was nearly on the fifth level!" Beastboy said indignantly.

"Beastboy, what happened between you and Raven? She barely spoke to us today and she blew up three vases."

"That's none of your business, but there IS something I need to talk to you about."

He explained the plan. Starfire clapped her hands joyfully.

"Wonderful! That is truly a wonderful plan, Beastboy! Raven will be most pleased!" Robin looked doubtful.

"Are you sure, Beastboy?"

"Never know till you try, right?" The green teen replied, standing up. He poured himself a glass of soy milk and said,

"So, how was she today?"

"She was OK. Cyborg's much better though." Robin said, looking at him slyly. The half mechanical boy went red and grinned sheepishly. Beastboy looked at him.

"What?"

"That hot nurse gave me her number." Cyborg said proudly. Beastboy grinned and slapped Cyborg's hand.

"Way to go dude!"

* * *

Thursday arrived. Raven lay in bed, watching the dust particles float through the sunlight. She was going home today. She traced a pattern on her pillow with her fingertip.

"_Happy Birthday to me…_" She sang softly. She sighed and rolled over, staring at the ceiling.

Beastboy hadn't come back.

She thought he might have come in the day after the argument, six days ago. But he hadn't. He hadn't sent word, hadn't asked how she was. Nothing.

And today was her birthday. Had he forgotten? She snorted and sat up. She was being pathetic. She crossed her legs and began to meditate calmly. Azarath Metriom Zynthos, Azarath Metriom Zynthos…

"Good morning!" Said the irritatingly cheerful tones of the nurse. Raven fell onto the bed.

"Are you _always_ this cheerful at this time in the morning?" She asked the nurse irritably. The nurse smiled sweetly.

"Are you always this sweet-tempered at this time in the morning?"

It was quite amusing to any bystanders. Except there weren't any. But if there had been, they would have been amused. Raven and the Nurse, whose name was Kathy, had been arguing since she had woken up. Although neither of them meant it seriously, it was still a great relief to both of them for Raven to be going home.

Raven went to the en suite bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. As she did so, she called to the nurse, who was changing the sheets on the bed,

"So did you ask Cyborg out?"

"I gave him my number. And he's taking me out tonight."

"Where are you going?"

"Don't know. He said it was a surprise and to be in formal wear. I'm guessing a fancy restaurant or something like that."

"Hmm."

Raven dressed in black trousers and a black shirt. She wasn't allowed to leave until that evening.

"Who's picking you up?" Kathy asked.

"I don't know. Cyborg, I suppose. He'll take any excuse to take his baby for a drive."

"His baby?"

"His car. He's very proud of it." Raven said, pushing a few items of clothing and books into her bag. Chi-Hey knocked on the door.

"Good morning. Ready to go already?"

"No offence, but I can't wait to get out of here."

"Well, we can't wait to get rid of you." Kathy told her sweetly. Raven glared at her. Chi-Hey chuckled.

"Come on, you two. Raven, we've got a lot of tests to do. Let's get started."

* * *

When Raven finally returned to her room after an eternity of tests, she found Starfire and Cyborg waiting for her. She stared at Starfire. The Alien was wearing the same shimmering dress she had worn to the Prom when they had defeated Kitten and her father. And Cyborg was wearing a tuxedo.

"Raven!" Starfire said, hugging her tightly. Raven smiled weakly.

"Hey. Come on, let's go already."

"No! Raven, you must get changed first." Raven frowned.

"Why?"

"Because we wish to take you out to celebrate your health!" Starfire said brightly. Cyborg nodded.

"Yeah, Starfire's got your dress."

* * *

Beastboy tugged at the neck of the tuxedo. Bruce and Robin watched in amusement.

"Beastboy, you're not nervous are you?" Robin asked. Beastboy shook his head.

"No… I'm terrified."

He looked around the elegant ballroom. It was crowded with people. Some were allies of the Teen Titans. He could see Aqualad standing by a fountain. Others were friends, associates and various other people that the Titans knew. There were also business acquaintances of Bruce's, whom he'd had to invite in order to keep peace with them.

"It's a tricky business. You've got to make sure that each and every one of your associates feels appreciated." Bruce muttered, before moving off to greet someone. Kathy and Chi-Hey stood nearby, talking amiably.

Someone shouted out,

"They're here! Everyone be quiet!" The light snapped off and the room was plunged into darkness. In the doorway, they could see the outline of three people. Cyborg's electronic eye glowed in the darkness.

Then Raven spoke irritably.

"Why exactly do I have to be blindfolded?"

Beastboy stepped forward and took her hand. She froze. He untied the blindfold and the lights turned on again.

"SURPRISE! Happy Birthday Raven!" The room shouted in unison. Raven stared around in shock. A glass exploded. Several people laughed and gentle music started to play as the conversation rose again. Raven stared around at the other Teen Titans.

"A surprise Birthday party?"

"Yes! Do you like it?" Starfire asked, hopping from one foot to the other in her excitement. Raven nodded, still in shock. Cyborg hugged her tightly.

"Happy Birthday, Rae."

Robin and Starfire joined in the hug. That was her second first. Her first Birthday Party and her first group hug.

Beastboy stood back, watching with a small smile on his face. As the Titans separated off to greet old friends, Beastboy stepped forward. Raven looked at him.

"Was this your idea?"

"No… Bruce's. Look, Raven, I-" She put a finger on his lips. He stared at her. Then grinned.

"You look good in a dress."

Raven looked down. The long, black dress DID suit her. She wore white elbow-length gloves. She gave him a look.

"Just don't get used to it."

* * *

Not that she would have admitted it, she actually enjoyed the party. She DID disappoint Starfire by refusing to dance.

Eventually they all sat down for dinner. Bruce sat with the Teen Titans, along with Chi-Hey and Kathy. Raven saw that Cyborg blushed whenever she spoke to him. It was quite sweet.

"Raven, I have something for you. Well, from all of us really" Bruce said. She looked up at him. He was holding out a box. She took it and unwrapped it slowly. Inside, padded with soft fabric, was a metal cuff. She looked at him quickly.

"It's not what you think. It's similar to the one that Slade designed, but it doesn't remove your emotions. It's more of a… barricade. They're still there and you're still you. But your powers are your own." Bruce explained. He saw Raven's hesitation and said,

"If you don't want it, it's alright. I just though-"

"No! No… it's… it's wonderful. Thank you." Raven said shakily. Bruce attached it to her wrist.

"And, unlike Slade's one, it's removable. You can take it off whenever you want to. I had my scientists make it less noticeable though. See, it doubles up as a watch." Raven ran her finger over the timepiece. She looked at him again and this time there was a smile on her face.

"Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."

* * *

It was past midnight, but the party was still going strong. Raven looked around and saw Beastboy standing outside the glass doors, sitting next to a fountain. She excused herself and went out to him. He looked up and smiled.

"Hey."

"Hi." She said, sitting down next to him. He grinned.

"Having fun?"

"Surprisingly, yes."

"Well… it's not your birthday anymore." She looked at the clock. Five minutes past twelve.

"I guess not."

"Is it too late to give you a present?" He said, pulling a small box out of his pocket. She smiled.

"It's never too late."

She took the parcel. Carefully, tenderly, she untied the silver ribbon and unfolded the paper. Inside was a jewellery box. She opened it slowly.

Lying on a bed of black velvet lay a necklace. A long, thin silver chain with a pendant on the end. Raven examined it. It was a blue stone set in a silver frame with two silver wings sprouting from either side. She stared at it. Beastboy coughed and said gruffly,

"Yeah, I know you're not really into jewellery, but I thought it was nice."

"It's beautiful." She breathed. He looked at her and found it hard to disagree. She looked at him.

"Beastboy, what I said at the hospital…"

"Yeah?" He said nervously.

"I didn't mean it. I don't know why I said it. But I swear I didn't mean it."

"I'm so relieved to hear you say that." He smiled.

She looked back at the necklace and laughed lightly. He smiled nervously.

"What's so funny?"

"The necklace… it has silver wings." She told him. He looked confused and she said,

"That song… the Thousand Words one. Starfire played it to me. _Suspended on silver wings…_"

He realised and laughed too. Silence held them for several minutes. And then Beastboy laughed again. Now it was her turn to smile nervously. He took a deep breath and said,

"Raven?"

"Yes, Beastboy?"

"You know I love you, right?" She smiled and took his hand.

"I know."

"I don't need a thousand words."

"No. Just three." Raven whispered.

They fell silent again. Raven rested her head on his shoulder, the necklace lying in her lap. Beastboy put his arms around her and they sat. The party carried on inside the ballroom, but neither of them moved until the glimmer of sunlight on the horizon heralded the dawn of a new day.

**The End**

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**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**First of all, I have to say thank you to EVERYONE. I have received so many compliments for this story and I appreciate every single one of them! Also, thank you to everyone at BB/Raven board. I love you guys so much! Especially you, Alys!**

**In my other stories I usually do an authors note at the end of each chapter, and I thank all the people who have reviewed but I have EXTREMELY limited internet time so I figured it would be easier to just say thanks at the end!**

**Disclaimers: I do not own the songs or any of the characters, apart from Kathy and Chi-Hey. **

**OK – 'A Thousand Words' IS a real song. It's sung by Koda Kumi and can be downloaded at this website. I can't remember which game it's for, but the song titles are up there anyway.**

**www. rpgdreamer. com / mp3. html**

**(I had to put spaces in because otherwise it doesn't show up.)**

**The other song mentioned (the one about the shooting star) is called 'Wind's Nocturne' and is from Luna Silver Star. This too can be downloaded at the above website.**

**I loved writing this story. It's my first serious Teen Titans multichapter! And I hope you all enjoyed reading it. Remember to review on your way out! **

**BEASTBOY/RAVEN FOREVER!**

**Lotsa luv 'n' huggles**

**Katie**


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